Page 38 of A Warrior's Heart
“What if I don’t want you to control yourself?” I asked, closing the gap between us and taking hold of his hands.
“That’s your wish?” Malik slowly backed me up until my back hit the trunk of a tree. His large body pressed against me as he gripped the side of my neck and forced my eyes up to him. “Because if I start, I fear I won’t be able to stop. It’s been much too long since I’ve been intimate with anyone.” He ghosted his lips along my jaw. The breath halted in my lungs. “I want to taste you, Troy. I want to feel your body entwined with mine. I want to drink your every moan and lick every inch of your soft skin.”
I shuddered. Lust fogged my brain, but his large body began to feel too close. The walls started closing around me once again. A different kind of chill shot down my spine then, and despite my desire for Malik, I found myself shying away.
How could I want his body, yet fear it at the same time?
“But you’re not ready,” he said, drawing back to look at me. “Your trembles are not from desire, young one. I see the spark of fear in your eyes.”
“You’re wrong. I…” My vision blurred. “I want you.”
“And I you.” His face softened as he touched my jaw. “Yet, I refuse to take you when you fear my touch.”
As he went to pull away, I snatched hold of his hand and brought it to my cheek. A tear fell from my eye as I stared up at him. “I don’t understand. I know in my heart that I want you, but fear holds me back. Why?”
“Because even after seventeen years, you have not healed from the wound inflicted on you,” Malik said. “There is no shame in that.”
“How do I heal?” I asked as another tear slipped free.
“I cannot give you an answer.” Malik glided his thumb over my cheek, catching a tear and wiping it away. “You must find it in yourself.”
A scream sounded from the camp, followed by loud laughter.
Without another word, Malik grabbed my hand and led me away from the tree and back to the fire pit where the men were cooking the deer meat. We would talk more later. For now, there was no more to be said.
“Who screamed?” I asked, sitting on the log beside Lorcan. He shook with a laugh.
“I did,” Nereus said, hands on his hips. He pointed to Shar. “He is a demon.”
Shar held up a long stick and waved it around. “I’m not to blame for your poor eyesight. I never thought you’d actually mistake this for a snake.”
I snorted a laugh.
“I find little amusement in this,” Nereus said. “Why have I become the target of your pranks?”
Shar shrugged before tossing the stick into the fire. “Stop amusing me with your high-pitched screams and perhaps I’ll stop scaring you.”
“Have you been crying?” Lorcan whispered, leaning closer to me.
“I’m fine now.” I wiped at my cheek.
Lorcan glanced at Malik before returning his eyes to me. “You would tell me if it was serious?”
I laid my head on his shoulder and nodded. Lorcan slipped an arm around me and rested his cheek on my hair.
I was frustrated at myself. Malik confessed that he desired me too, and I had shied away from his touch.
Would I ever be ready?
Once the meat was cooked, we each received a generous portion and ate in front of the fire. Ervin and Shar were the only ones not eating with us. They had gone over to a tree and sat beneath it, away from our group.
“I bet he’s just as hideous beneath that cloth as he is on the inside,” Nereus said, glaring over at Shar. The assassins had their backs to us, so we couldn’t see their faces as they ate. “If he scares me one more time, I will have no choice but to end him.”
Malik chuckled and bit off a sliver of meat. I watched his mouth as he chewed, seeing the juices from the meat glisten on his lips, then I tore my gaze away.
If I was afraid of intimacy, why did my heartrate spike at the thought of tasting Malik’s lips? Why did a fire simmer in my belly when I imagined myself wrapped in his arms, his muscled body moving on mine?
After supper, we settled down for bed. The ground was hard beneath me, but at least it was warm. We each had a blanket, and I used my satchel as a pillow. Night creatures sang their songs, insects and frogs alike.
