Page 44 of Frost
Chapter Ten
“Are you writing today?” Jack asks as we sit at the kitchen table for breakfast. I made eggs, bacon, and biscuits. Nothing too fancy, but still damn tasty.
“No.” I take a sip of coffee and feel myself start to wake up a little more. Jack kept his promise by staying the whole night with me, however, that meant he woke me up before the damn sun even rose in the sky. “Writing can wait until I get back home. Today’s all about you.”
It’s my last full day with him after all. I leave tomorrow morning.
Jack shoves half the biscuit into his mouth, bouncing a bit in his chair as he chews. His table manners have improved over the weeks, though he still eats like a ravenous animal most of the time. But, hey, he doesn’t put his feet on the table anymore, so that’s a major improvement. Even if his feetarecute, I don’t want them where I eat.
“Do you want to go to the cave later?” he asks between bites of bacon.
“Yeah.” My heart jumps up into my throat. Will it be the last time I ever see his home? “I’d like that.”
After breakfast, we sit in the living room and drink more coffee. Jack’s taken a liking to the stuff. He especially enjoys it with peppermint mocha creamer, so last time I went to the store in town, I was sure to buy him several bottles, so he’d have it while I’m here… and also for when I’m gone.
Finally, the question that’s been eating at me for days surfaces. “What happens when I leave, Jack? Can we still be together like we are right now?”
My heart’s drumming fast, and my breaths stutter in my chest. I’m terrified of his answer, but I need to hear it.
He’s quiet as he sits beside me, holding his coffee cup to his lips. “What good will it do? We can’t be together, no matter how much we want it to be so. Why make it worse by dragging out the inevitable heartache? We had fun over these weeks, but we must face reality now.”
I set my cup on the side table and stand from the couch. His answer is exactly as I feared; however, hearing it hurts more than I imagined.
“If this is how you feel, Jack, why are you even here right now?” I ask, not looking at him. I can’t. I walk over to the window and peer out into the snow. “Why did you keep showing up? Why did you kiss me back that first time? If you knew it was temporary, why bother getting close to me at all?”
“Because I was weak,” he whispers after a long pause. “Being with you feels too good, Luka. I didn’t think about the future, of what would happen. I just wanted to be by your side, in your arms, for as long as I could.”
My eyes sting, and my heart squeezes. “I was weak too. Deep down, I knew we could never be together, but I ignored reason and let myself fall for you anyway.”
Jack stands from the couch and walks over, slipping his arms around me from behind. “We’re such fools.”
I chuckle, though it sounds off. Pained, even. “Yes, we are.”
“Let’s not discuss it right now,” he says, resting his head on my shoulder. “We have today. Let’s make the most of it. No tears. And no goodbyes.”
Just like the passing of time, our inevitable goodbye looms over us, but I refuse to waste the time we have left by moping around about it.
I change into warm clothes, and we set out to the woods. The winter morning is quiet, and the crisp air carries with it the smell of woodsmoke and pine. I spot the trail I walked on the day I got lost weeks ago, and the memory makes me lift a hand to the spot on my head I’d smacked on the fallen branch after rolling down the slippery hill.
The cut had healed, though a very faint scar remained. The wound wasn’t serious enough to warrant a doctor or stitches, but the faint mark is a reminder now. Another memory of Jack.
He really is like a snowflake. Beautiful. Unique. But impossible to keep.
“What’s on your mind?” Jack asks.
“Snowflakes,” I answer, peering over at him.
“Oh?” He softly blows into the air, causing snowflakes to drift in front of me.
I lift a hand and catch them on my gloved palm. They melt much too fast. My chest cracks as I compare them to the beautiful man in front of me. I can’t hold on to either of them.
“No tears, sweet Luka,” Jack says, tucking his head beneath my chin. “The day is still young.”
I wind my arms around him and press my cheek to the top of his wispy hair. Goddammit. How am I going to walk away from him?
It takes longer than usual to reach his cave, mainly because we take our time, stopping every so often to look at the rushing river or some other beautiful sight. Jack even stops to play with a brown rabbit, both of them hopping from spot to spot, the snow beneath his feet like powder as it stirs and dusts his clothes.
I can still hear his laughs minutes later, the sound stored to my memory.
