Page 42 of His Surrender
He had shown me a new side to him that night. Considerate and gentle, holding me as I shook with panic and giving me soft kisses to my head to calm me down. Those weren’t the actions of a bad guy.
“No, darlin’,” Jay whispered, his breath tickling my lips. “I really am bad.”
“Liar.”
And then I kissed him.
Jay sighed and pulled me on top of him. I straddled his hips just like I’d wanted to do earlier and buried my fingers in his hair. His tongue sought entrance, and I opened for him, moaning as the kiss deepened.
He was beautiful, frustrating, and irresistible. He made me crazy but also brought me peace, a contradiction in every way.
“Touch me,” I panted, sitting back and pulling his head to my chest.
He nibbled my collarbone before tugging my face back to his and taking my breath away with a heated kiss. His hard cock pressed to my ass, but his shaky breaths told me he was still fighting with himself because he was holding back.
“God, I want you so much,” he growled, dropping his face to my neck and kissing me there. “I want to lick every inch of you.”
“I’m right here.” I rolled my body on him, and he bit his bottom lip as he watched me through heavy-lidded eyes. “Yours for the taking.”
Something flashed in his eyes then, and he grabbed my hips, stopping me.
“We shouldn’t,” he said, his breath catching in his throat. “You said you’re falling for me, and I can’t give you what you want, Remi. Doin’ this will only hurt you more in the end. Better to stop it now before it gets to that point.”
Is he serious?
“Why are you so confusing?” The tops of my ears heated, and my scalp prickled. My quickened pulse resulted from both lust and irritation. “We’ve proven we can’t stay away from each other, but you’re still fighting it. I don’t see what the problem is. Yeah, you say you don’t do relationships, but then you keep coming around. And it’s not just for sex, because here I am basically dry-humping you and you’re resisting. Something’s gotta give, Jay. This back-and-forth crap is making me crazy.”
“You’re right.” Jay moved me aside and got off the bed. “I’m sorry for confusing you. It won’t happen again.”
“Don’t leave.” I reached for him, grabbing his bicep before he could walk away. “Just tell me why you’re so against the idea of dating me. Of seeing where this could go. You’re not even giving it a chance.”
“Because it’s not who I am.” He didn’t look at me. Maybe he couldn’t.
“Bullshit.” I kept hold of his arm, even as my hand shook. “Someone hurt you, didn’t they? So you’ve walled yourself off from anyone ever hurting you again.”
We were a lot more alike than I’d thought. He didn’t need to answer my question for me to see the truth in his eyes.
Jay placed his hand over mine and gently removed it from his arm. That faraway look had returned, except now it had a layer of pain beneath it too. “You should get some rest.”
“Jay…”
“I’ll lock the bottom lock on my way out, but you should lock the top behind me,” he said, heading for the bedroom door and disappearing down the hall.
I slid out of bed and went after him, entering the living room right as he reached the door. “If you walk out that door, don’t come back.” I stood just a few feet from him, not sure if I wanted to close that gap between us or make it wider. Not sure if I wanted to kiss him or slap him. “Because I can’t do this, Jay. You can’t tell me no and then keep stringing me along with the messages, phone calls, and showing up at my apartment. It’s not fair.”
“I know it’s not. You said you needed a friend tonight, so I stayed. You’re the one who pushed for more.”
“Okay. Blame it on me. I deserve it. But I didn’t force you to kiss me back.”
When he finally looked at me, there were tears in his eyes. It took me off guard. “Don’t you see that I’m doin’ this for you? It would be all too easy to pick you up, toss you on that bed, and fuck you ’til you screamed my name. Keeping things strictly sexual is all I can give you, and you made it clear you aren’t into that. I thought we could be friends, but we want each other too much.”
I didn’t know if I was more angry or upset. Mainly, I was frustrated at his stubbornness.
“Why not try?” I stepped forward, making my choice. Choosing him despite all the warnings. No one had ever made me feel like he did, and I wasn’t ready to let him go. “We don’t have to put a label on it. Let’s hang out and see where it goes. If it doesn’t work out? Fine. All I’m asking for is a chance.”
Please.
He was quiet, the silence so loud it rang in my ears. When he did speak, it was barely above a whisper. “I have nothing to offer you, Remi. Nothing.”
