Page 19 of His Surrender
“Damn you, Mother Nature,” I cursed as the chilly wind pierced my face when I got out of my car at the café down the street from where I lived.
The chill deep in my bones, though, was caused by my dream from the night before. Andrew had had his faults—cheating on his wife with one of his college students and having a controlling tendency to name a few—but through it all, I had truly believed I’d loved him.
Looking back now, I think I had loved the idea of him more. But when you’re young and inexperienced, you’d make yourself believe anything.
“Good morning, handsome,” Sue greeted me once I entered the café. She was a waitress in her forties, so not much older than me, but she spoiled me rotten as if I was her favorite grandchild, often giving me free slices of pie. “You better be sitting in my section.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I went over to a table beside the window. The plan that day was to eat breakfast and then grocery shop, so I jotted down a list of things I needed in the notes app on my phone as I waited for her to come over.
“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” she asked, once making her way to my table. The café was busy for it being a cold and rainy Sunday morning.
“Please. I’ll also have the breakfast platter.” I didn’t need a menu.
“With extra bacon and eggs cooked medium?”
“Why, Sue, you flatter me,” I said with a smile.
“You order the same thing every time you’re here, handsome.” With the coffee carafe she held in one hand, she filled a cup and slid it over to me. “I’ll be right back with your creamer.”
After she returned with the bowl of individual creams, I thanked her and doctored my coffee before taking that heavenly first sip. Feeling eyes on me, I looked to the left.
Daniel, the fitness instructor I’d banged a while back, quickly averted his eyes and focused on the pretty blonde woman in front of him. She reached across the table and put her hand over his, a warm smile on her face.
I looked away and sipped more coffee.
It was all too common for me to sleep with closeted men. Didn’t bother me any. It meant they wouldn’t want more than sex. I felt sorry for many of them, though. Living in such a conservative area made it hard for men like me to be out and proud, especially if they worked with the public. There were some whowereout, like me and Emery and several others I’d met over the years. But it was far from an easy road.
Even with my high standing in the community and the respect I’d earned as a prosecutor, I still got hate messages and came across small-minded people who protested my position.
When Daniel looked back at me, his brow creased with worry lines and his eyes filled with a longing I understood all too well, I gave a small nod and turned my attention to the rain hitting the pavement outside the window.
***
“Foster will be fine,” I said to Ivan the following Friday evening. “He’s fourteen and perfectly capable of not burning the house down for one night. Now, put on your best fuckboy clothes and come out with your older brother.”
“Fuckboy clothes?” Ivan shook his head. “I’m not sure this is a good idea, Jay. I haven’t been out in… god. I can’t even remember when.”
“Which is why you need to come with me tonight,” I insisted. “You can’t stay home and mope forever. Believe me. That shit gets old after a while.”
After a long week of work, I needed a night out. Emery was taking Cason on a weekend getaway to Eureka Springs, so I couldn’t ask him. And truth be told, I didn’t have many friends. Emery and Ivan were pretty much the only ones I had.
“Please, Vanya,” I said, using the affectionate form of his name in hopes of getting my way. I inwardly cheered when seeing his defeated expression.
“Zhopa.”
“Why are you calling me an ass?” I asked, following him down the hall as he walked to his room.
“You know why.”
“Going out is good for you,” I said, leaning against the doorframe and watching him sort through his closet. “Plus, you’ll be with me. It’ll be an awesome brother-bonding night out.”
“You mean a night where I watch you pick up men while I sit in the corner like a miserable lump on a log.”
I laughed and approached him. We nearly stood eye to eye, with him just a tad shorter. “I promise I won’t. Scout’s honor.”
“You were a Boy Scout for all of three days, and then you got kicked out,” Ivan said, his eyes narrowing. “Your honor means nothing to me.”
“Get dressed before I kick your ass. That’s an order, Marine.”
