Page 16 of His Surrender
So why did I find myself snapping my head toward the door every time it opened that Friday night, holding my breath at the thought of it being him and then sinking back down when seeing it wasn’t? Why did my heart beat faster each time I saw a head of blond hair from the corner of my eye?
Simple. Even though I knew Jay was nothing but a heartbreak waiting to happen, I had liked the attention he’d given me. It had been a depressingly long time since I’d been laid. He would’ve made one hell of an awesome lay too. No guy could have that much confidence otherwise.
“Get your head outta the clouds, kiddo,” Johnny said, gently slapping the top of the piano. “Gig’s startin’ soon, and you’re up first.”
“Right.” I took a deep breath and bounced my leg as I sat on the bench, waiting for Johnny to give the okay. The first song was slower and was mostly a piano piece with the drums coming in periodically. Once he nodded for me to start, I played the first chord, then the quick procession of notes following it.
The noise of the bar faded away as I got lost in the song, in the rhythm. The song was called “I Fall In Love Too Easily.”Damn if it wasn’t painfully accurate. I could tell myself I would’ve had amazing casual sex with Jay if I’d given him a chance, but in reality, my heart didn’t work that way.
Maybe it came from my almost desperate desire to love and be loved, but I fell for people easily. I got attached to people fast, often getting my heart crushed in the process.
Love was supposed to be this beautiful thing, but for me, it was out of my reach. Something I wanted but could never touch. It had always been that way.
The next song was more upbeat, starting with a few chords of the piano before the saxophone wailed and the drums came in. Freddie smiled and bobbed his head as he played the upright bass, looking like a cool cat with his shades on and his hat cocked sideways. Johnny leaned back as he went to town on the sax, his foot tapping to keep rhythm, and Ace did a rat-tat-tat on the drums.
Mike should’ve been in my place. A small tumor had been found in his brain last summer, and though the surgeon had removed 98 percent of it, some of it was inoperable because it was too close to the brain stem. He was going through rounds of chemo now, and he’d been too tired to play with the guys over the past few months. I hoped he got back on his feet soon.
While I had fun playing with them, the old band deserved to be complete again.
After the set, I helped the guys put everything away and then grabbed a cigar and lit it up. Normally I didn’t smoke, but the atmosphere of the bar was hard to resist. Johnny and the guys left to go home to their families. Not ready to call it a night, I sat in a plushy chair toward the back of the bar and decompressed. All that was missing was a drink in my hand, but I’d given up alcohol years ago.
The phone call with my dad weeks ago, and the few since then, were nearly enough to push me over the edge and give in to the numbness I craved, though.
“Need some company?” a woman asked, placing a hand on the back of my chair and cocking her hip, emphasizing her curves. “I loved your performance.”
Women frequently came on to me. There was something about a man in a band that attracted them like crazy. Was that why Jay had assumed I was straight or bi? Because he saw me talking to them after my shows?
I smiled. Had he been jealous? God. I couldn’t get him out of my head.
“Thank you,” I said, nodding to her before taking a drag off the cigar. “As for your question, I’m the only company I need right now. But I appreciate the offer.”
“Worth a try,” she said. “Have a good night.”
I returned the sentiment and sat alone while the bar came to life around me. More people bustled in, some drunk and others halfway there. The 906 was a more upscale establishment, but it drew in a younger crowd sometimes who wanted to see what the place was all about. They usually got bored after a few minutes and walked back out.
“Haven’t seen you here in a while,” Brent said to someone behind me.
Out of reflex, I turned… and made eye contact with Jay.
After nearly three weeks of not seeing him, my walls crumbled a little. My memory hadn’t done him justice at all. He wore a tailored suit, and every hair on his blond head was in place. His undershirt was unbuttoned, showing a peek of his collarbone. How was it possible for him to be even more attractive now?
“Been busy with work,” Jay answered Brent but kept his eyes on me. Then, he looked at the waiter. “Be a doll and bring me a beer, yeah?”
Brent, much too eager to please the man in front of him, nodded and rushed toward the bar.
Jay regarded me again, a sexy look in his eyes. However, he made no moves to approach me. He just held my gaze for a moment and looked away.
“Good evening, Mr. Foley,” I found myself saying before I could stop it.
“Oh, so youdoknow proper greetings,” he said with an arch to his brow. “I questioned your ability the last we talked.”
“Are you always such a smart-ass?”
He shrugged. “Depends on the day.”
Brent returned with his beer, and Jay thanked him, his gaze lingering on the waiter much longer than was necessary. A flirty smile lifted his lips as he spoke quietly to Brent, causing the younger man to get flustered. Was he doing it to get a rise out of me?
It’s working.
