Page 68 of His Temptation
“Hell no,” Ryan snapped, waving his hand around. “Not when he’s with that guy.”
“You know him?”
“Better than I want to,” he said, absolutely fuming. “I’m not talkin’ about this shit here. Come on.”
When he took off down the sidewalk, I followed him. His hands were balled into fists at his sides, and it was like he was punishing the ground for existing by how heavily he stepped on the cement. Once walking across the parking lot and sliding into his car—him slamming his door— we sat in silence.
“There’s something I haven’t told you, Cas.” Ryan started the car and turned on the AC before slumping back in the seat and looking out the window. “I feel shitty for not telling you sooner, but I’m still processing it myself, and honestly, I’m fucking afraid to tell anyone, including you.”
Oh, hell. I sensed what he was about to tell me, and I prayed like hell I reacted to it correctly. I was a horrible actor, so pretending I didn’t already know would be one heck of a challenge.
“What’s up?” I asked.
Play it cool. Play it cool.
“Over Christmas break, something happened,” Ryan said.
“Yeah, when we got back to school, you seemed kinda off.”
“Look, what I’m about to tell you can’t leave this car.” He looked at me, his blue eyes serious.
I nodded.
“My dad’s gay,” Ryan admitted, and the steering wheel creaked as he gripped it tighter. “I walked in on him making out with that guy from the restaurant. They were totally about to go at it in Dad’s office. I didn’t tell you because I’m ashamed of it.”
“Are you ashamed ofhim?” I asked, doing my best to shove away the image of Emery and the blond going at it hot and heavy.
“Yeah.” Then, he shook his head and sighed. “No. Fuck, I don’t know. All I know is it’s confusing as fuck. You’re not weirded out or anything by it? You’re taking this better than I thought.”
The thing was, I didn’t have to act like I thought I would. Because even if Ihadn’talready known Emery was gay. Even ifIwasn’t gay… I would’ve had the exact same reaction.
“No,” I said, releasing a breath. “A lot makes sense now, though. Like why you treat him like crap.”
“Dude, don’t even turn this around and make me the bad guy,” Ryan argued, turning in the seat to glare at me. “He kept that shit from me. Finding out likethatwas fucking humiliating.”
“So, you’re angry that he kept it from you and not because he’s gay?”
“I don’t know, Cas.” Ryan groaned and slumped forward, the car honking as his head bumped the horn. He jolted back up and sighed. “I guess a part of me is grossed out he’s gay. That’s just not normal. But he’s my dad, and I still love him. This is so messed up.”
Ryan was grossed out by it?
My heart squeezed and that empty feeling returned to my gut.
“You wanna know something even more fucked-up?” Ryan whispered, his eyes watering and his jaw tightening as he stared at the dashboard. “The thing that bothers me most about it? I’m afraid I’ll turn out the same way.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, barely holding myself together. I just wanted this conversation to end.
“If my dad is gay, what if I am too?” A tear escaped his eye as he met my confused gaze.
There it is.
The real reason Ryan was so bent out of shape about it. He wasn’t a homophobe like I originally feared. However, he definitely had an aversion to it. And that kind of fear could lead to hatred if left to build higher.
“So what if you are?” I snapped. “There’s not a goddamned thing wrong with being gay. It’s not fair for you to treat Emery like he’s a damn pariah just because of your own fucked-up sense of right and wrong.”
Ryan looked like he was about to punch me, and I braced myself for the hit. He released a sharp breath instead.
“You’re right.”
