Page 53 of His Temptation
The waitress arrived with our food before skating off. Ryan and I reached for the mayonnaise bottle at the same time. He smiled and saidthankswhen I let him use it first. We both liked a blend of mayo and mustard on our burgers. So alike in so many ways.
“Are you excited to start college?” I asked, after we had eaten a few bites.
“Yeah.” Ryan shoved a handful of salty fries into his mouth before washing them down with the vanilla shake. “Playing college ball is the dream right now.”
“Have you decided what you’ll major in?” He might’ve had a baseball scholarship, but he still had to get a degree in something.
“Don’t know.” He took another bite. “Probably gonna take general courses for the first year, then pick something later. Cas is goin’ for criminal justice.” His face fell as he chewed. “Sucks we’re not gonna be at the same college.”
“It’s only forty-five minutes away. I’m sure you two can find time to hang out.”
“I hope so.” Ryan eyed another waitress, smirking as their eyes met. Then, he looked back at me. “I feel kinda guilty about it all.”
“How so?”
“Cas was approached about the scholarship first,” Ryan answered, picking at his fries. “Only one guy from the team could be chosen, and he knew how much I wanted it. He passed on the offer so I could have it.”
That was news to me. Cason hadn’t said anything about it—not that we’d done much talking in between us being tangled together in the bedsheets.
“He’s a great friend,” I said, feeling guilty all over again. What if Cason’s and my fling caused a rift between him and Ryan?
However, it’d be way too damned hard to stop it now. Not after I had tasted Cason. Felt him against me chest to chest and heard his delicious moans of pleasure.
I’m so selfish.
“Yeah. He’s the best.” Ryan tore into his burger, not saying another word until all that was left of it was the smear of mustard on his cheek. “He’s always tellin’ me how awesome you are.”
Another bit of news. I didn’t know Cason and Ryan talked about me. Ryan certainly hadn’t said much to him.
“Really?”
Ryan nodded as he wiped his face with a napkin. “He’s part of the reason I came to see you. His dad isn’t around. And, like, I know he doesn’t understand the tension between us.”
“Because you haven’t told him about me.”
“It’s not like I want any of my friends to know that shit,” Ryan said, irritation back in his voice. “They’d hound me for life, and I don’t wanna deal with it. I didn’t tell any of them when I found out, and I sure as hell ain’t telling them now.”
It hurt to know my son saw me as some great embarrassment.
Ryan must’ve seen the hurt on my face, because his brows pulled together and he ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I don’t hate you, Dad. I just don’t know what to think. It’s hard. I thought of you one way my whole life, and then this happens.”
“You need time to process,” I said, placing my half-eaten burger back in the basket. I’d lost my appetite. “I understand that. It took me a long time to accept it too.”
He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t just wake up one morning while married to your mom and decide to be gay, Ryan,” I explained. “It’s something I’ve fought ever since I was sixteen.”
The waitress returned to refill my water and to bring Ryan a soda since he finished his shake. She dropped off the check and left again.
“I didn’t know that,” Ryan said.
“You never gave me the chance to talk to you about it.”
“This doesn’t mean I’m cool with you or anything,” he said, reverting back to his stubborn self. “I just wanted to say I don’t hate you.” His cheeks darkened as he lowered his gaze to his glass of soda. “If you ever wanted to have lunch again or something, I guess I wouldn’t mind much. But only if I don’t already have something else planned.”
He could pretend all he wanted to, but I saw the truth. Heard it in his voice. It gave me hope that, maybe, we could eventually have the kind of relationship we used to have.
When we were back at the office, Ryan got out of my car and hesitated a moment.
