Page 40 of His Temptation
“I mean…” I tugged him closer with one hand and caressed his neck with the other. He was warm and so damn perfect. “Do you just want me for tonight?”
I craved his body, but I also craved his mind. I wanted to know Cason, a desire I hadn’t felt with a man in a long time—if ever. But if fucking me once would appease his curiosity and let him move on with his life, I’d do it.
Better me than some stranger that might hurt him.
“I… I don’t know.” He licked his lips. “All I know is I’ve been drawn to you for months, and I never knew what it meant until I opened myself up to the possibility of me maybe liking guys. It’s confusing, Emery. And I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. I hoped you’d help me figure it out.”
I had a flashback of me at his age. If I’d had someone to talk to, maybe I wouldn’t have denied who I was for so long.
“I want to tell Ryan,” Cason continued. “He’s always askin’ me about girls, and I hate lying all the time. I finally understand why I’ve felt different for so many years. I’m also kinda happy. Relieved, even, because it means I’m not broken like I thought I was. And all I want is to tell my best friend.”
“He might not take it well,” I said, remembering the look on Ryan’s face when he found outIwas gay. I went over and sat on the bed. Cason sat beside me. “Ryan is a good kid, but he shares a lot of his mom’s conservative views. After Amber and I divorced, I still wasn’t out. I intended to tell Ryan when I was ready, but he found out before I could.”
“He found out? How?”
“He walked in on me kissing a guy.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Exactly.” I looked at my hands, remembering how I’d reached out for Ryan that day when he saw me with Jay and bolted out of my office. I’d chased him out into the hall and grabbed his arm to stop him.
“Get your hands off me!” Ryan yelled, tears in his eyes. “You’re a fucking queer?”
The crack in my chest from that day would probably never close. I’d felt nothing when Amber found out and insulted me, but having my son react that way had been a hard blow to take.
“I’m not sure I wanna tell him, then,” Cason whispered, hanging his head. “At least not for a while. We’ll go off to different schools in the fall. He’ll be focused on baseball, and I’ll be doing my own thing too. If he decides to cut me out of his life, well, by then it won’t really matter.” He looked back up with watery eyes. “This is our last summer before everything changes, and I don’t wanna ruin it.”
Their friendship meant a lot to my son, and by the look in Cason’s eyes, I knew he felt the same. Would Ryan really let Cason’s sexuality get in the way of that? I’d like to say no, but Ryan could be very closed-minded on certain things.
“The only approval you need is your own,” I said. “Being rejected by someone you love hurts. Believe me. It breaks my heart every day that Ryan doesn’t treat me like he used to before finding out. It will probably always hurt. But what hurts most is pretending to be something you’re not.”
“I won’t pretend forever,” Cason responded. “Just until we start college. I’m not ashamed of who I am, and I don’t wanna spend my life hiding. I finally feel… I don’t know how to explain it. I feel lighter, even though it’s scary, you know?”
I understood perfectly. That’s how I’d felt when I started seeing Jay and finally embraced the Emery I’d rejected for so many years. Being gay in the South had its own set of challenges, but I was proud of the man I’d become. No one could take that from me.
“Have you told your parents?” I asked.
“No.” Cason laughed dryly. “My dad isn’t around, and my mom is too pilled up to care about anything except for her next fix. No sense in telling her.”
Cason appeared so haunted in that moment. His eyes had a faraway look to them, and all I wanted was to bring him back from whatever bad thought had hold of him.
“You’re the only person I have right now, Emery. The one person I can talk to.”
I made my decision in that moment. This beautiful man wanted me, and I didn’t have the power to fight him anymore.
Sliding my hand to his nape, I kissed him. He released a startled groan before easing into the kiss, allowing me to guide him to his back on the bed. Our lips moved together, slow yet firm. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and slapped a hand to my back, hooking a leg over mine.
“Are we gonna have sex now?” he panted, laying his head on the pillow and peering up at me.
“No,” I said. He started to say something, and I cut him off with another kiss. “Not tonight.”
I was afraid I’d hurt him if we did it right then. I needed time to prepare.
He smiled. “Does that mean we’ll do it tomorrow, then?”
“For a virgin, you’re sex-crazed.”
“I’m sex-crazedbecauseI’m a virgin,” Cason whined, rolling his hips up into me. The bulge pressing against me said he was more than ready to go right now.
