Page 95 of His Temptation
Yet, the words caught in my throat, as if my heart had reached up and grabbed them, holding them back.
“Come on, Cas,” Ryan said, pushing my chest. “What has you looking like a constipated goat?”
“A goat?”
“First animal I thought of.”
“I… well, you see, I…” Was it possible to be so nervous that your heart stopped beating? “The person I’m—”
Ryan’s phone rang.
“Dude, it’s that girl from the gym,” Ryan said, a huge grin spreading across his face. Then, he answered it. “Hey, gorgeous. Oh, just sitting in my dorm. What about you?”
My confidence wavered even more as I sat there listening to him flirt and totally forget that I’d had something important to tell him. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through it, more as a distraction from my knotting gut.
Faith messaged me, her chat bubble popping up on my screen.
Faith:Hey, you! So, I started watching a new, totally messed-up anime and I kinda love it. You need to add Angels of Death to your list ASAP!!
Me:Ok. Cool.
Faith:You okay?
Me:Idk. Was just about to tell Ryan I was gay becuz he keeps asking if I’m banging anyone and I’m fucking tired of keeping it from him. But now he’s flirting with some girl and couldn’t care less.
Faith:I’m sorry.
“Hey, so what were you going to tell me?” Ryan asked, no longer on the phone. “Is it about the girl you’re screwing around with?”
Maybe it was the hurt from him disregarding me to talk to some stupid girl or maybe it was the months of secrecy, but rage bubbled up inside me and came pouring out like one of those science project volcanoes.
“What makes you think it’s a girl?” I snapped.
Ryan’s mouth popped open. “What?”
“I’m gay!” I practically shouted, standing from the floor and looking down at him.
“Stop playin’,” Ryan eventually said, cracking a smile. “You’re not gay. I’d know if you were.”
“How would you know?” I asked, my voice rising. “All you care about is yourself, Ryan. Every time we’re together, you’re always blabbing about some girl you’re fucking or a girl you want to fuck, and when you actually talk to me, it’s to see ifI’mfucking any girls, and if so, what do they look like? I’m sick of it.”
The revelation made tears surface in my eyes. Through my anger, I felt relieved that I’d finally told him. I also felt disappointed thatthiswas how it happened.
“Are you serious?” He rose to his feet.
With my eyes burning with unshed tears, I nodded.
“So, the day I told you about my dad, you knew you were gay?” he asked, walking closer. “And you didn’t think to tell me then?”
“How could I? You weren’t exactly happy about your dad being gay. You treated it like some massive embarrassment.” A tear slipped free and ran down my cheek. “I’ve wanted to tell you for months, but I was afraid of how you’d react.”
Ryan squared his jaw and kept glaring at me.
The door opened and his roommate came in with a few other guys behind him. “Hey, roomie. The dudes in Building C are throwing a huge party and we were about to head over. Wanna go?”
“Yeah,” Ryan answered, tearing his gaze from me to look at Milo. “Let’s go.”
Milo and his friends fist-bumped before leaving the dorm. Ryan followed behind them without a word to me, and it felt like I’d taken a two-by-four straight to the chest.
