Page 16 of His Temptation
He lifted a brow. “Coulda fooled me.”
Damn Jay and his ability to read me like an open book.
Iwasangry. But not at him. I had buried my desires long ago and settled into the kind of life society expected of me. I’d gotten married, became a father, and played the role of perfect husband. When deep down I’d been drowning.
And this infuriatingly perceptive man in front of me had seen me drowning. Somehow.
He’d pulled me from the depths at a time when I wasn’t sure I could ever breathe again, and I had clung onto his hands, lips, anything to keep from sinking back down.
“How did you know?” I asked, realizing I’d never asked him before.
“How did I knowwhat, darlin’?” The smirk was back.
I saw humor, but also softness, in his green eyes. “How did you know I was gay back then? Before you invited me for drinks that day, I don’t think I ever gave any indication that I was. But you knew. How?”
Jay sighed and grabbed his joggers from the dresser against the wall, putting them on. He had no problem opening his mouth, but when it was something serious, he held on to his words before speaking them.
“It was the look in your eyes,” he said, facing me. “You looked like a man on fire. As someone who has been in those flames before, I knew that look all too well.”
“Fire, huh?” I leaned against the door. “I always thought I was drowning.”
“Water, fire. Both have the power to destroy us in the end.” Jay lightly punched my chest before walking past me to go down the hall. “I didn’t want to see you destroyed, Cross.”
Warmth filled my chest at his words. Beneath the cockiness and attitude, Jay was actually a great guy.
“You want me to suck your dick again?” Jay called from the kitchen. “Or are you ready to leave?”
And then he says shit like that.
Shaking my head, I met him in the kitchen and grabbed my keys from the counter. He pressed his tongue to his cheek and grinned. For a thirty-five-year-old man, he could act like such a child.
Something pressed to my leg, and I looked down to see Sputnik, Jay’s cat. The shorthair Persian was chubby, lovable, and extremely lazy. It rolled to its back and stared up at me with droopy eyes.
“Sput is the only reason you come over,” Jay muttered as I bent to pet the cat. He then started speaking in Russian. Given his expression, I assumed they were insults.
Jay hadn’t told me much about his family, other than his mother moved to the US from Russia before he was born and his father was a former US Marine. He knew both English and Russian fluently. I always enjoyed when he spoke the language.
“Should I expect you to come back tomorrow?” he asked.
“No.” I gave Sputnik one last scratch behind the ear before turning to leave.
“Well, if you change your mind, you know where I am.”
Our relationship was complicated. After Ryan walked in on us months ago, I had gotten angry and argued with Jay, blaming him for everything. He hadn’t taken the blame well and told me to fuck off—which I had deserved. We’d stopped hooking up, but there I was back again, in his house… in his bed.
“I probably shouldn’t see you again,” I said, hand on the door but not opening it.
“If that’s what you want.” I heard him—felt him—walk up behind me. His breath touched my nape, and a shiver passed through me. “You know it’s no-strings with me, Cross. If you don’t wanna see me again, I get it and won’t try to keep you. I have plenty of men to warm my bed.” He gripped my bicep and spun me around to face him. “But you need to let go of whatever’s eating you up inside. It’s not you.”
A lot was eating me up. My son hating me. The fear of losing him for good once he went to college. My thoughts then went to Cason and my guilt for desiring him. Was that why I’d been seeing Jay so much? He was a distraction from all the shit in my head.
“I don’t know who I am anymore, Jay,” I said, my throat tight.
“Yeah you do.” He snagged hold of my chin and kissed me before pressing his forehead to mine. “Coming out is damn hard, and you did it, Emery. Maybe not in the way you would’ve liked, but it’s done. No going back. I’m not sure what has you so in your head, but I don’t just have a huge cock. I also have a good set of ears, if you need them.”
I laughed and pushed on his chest. “A huge cock? Don’t flatter yourself.”
He really did have one, though. The ache in my ass was proof enough.
