When I was younger, I had run away from home countless times just to get away from my mom’s loser boyfriend—whichever one she was seeing at the time. And there’d been many. No matter how different they all appeared, they were the same: vile, abusive, and controlling.
I had sat on the same bench I was on now and cried for someone to help me. For someone to take me away from this place. No one ever did. That’s when I realized I couldn’t count on anyone to save me; I had to rescue myself.
My phone kept buzzing. Texts and missed calls. I then put it on silent so I wouldn’t have to hear it. I knew I was overreacting a little, but I was too annoyed to talk to Ryan. He’d pushed me too far.
“Hey.”
I flipped around, prepared to knock someone out if I needed to. Sitting alone in a park at night and having an unexpected visitor was the setup for a suspense novel. But then I saw who was behind me.
“Ryan? Jesus Christ. Warn a guy next time.”
“Not much good it would’ve done. You weren’t answering my texts.” He sat beside me on the bench. “I thought you’d be here.”
He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and looked at the river. No apology was needed; his remorse was written all over his face. He did so anyway.
“Look. I’m sorry for what I said.” Ryan met my gaze, his blue eyes sincere. “Things with my dad are just… complicated. It’s hard for me to talk about.”
Ryan used to look up to his dad. He’d brag about the cases Emery worked and say that even though Amber thought Emery was in the wrong for defending lowlifes—her words—he actually thought it was cool that Emery was fighting for justice.
Then, something changed last winter.
When I saw Ryan after Christmas break, he’d been moodier than usual and snapped at Trevor when Trev asked if he’d gotten his period. A total sexist joke to begin with, one I hadn’t found that funny, but Ryan had completely lost his shit and almost started a fistfight in the locker room.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Ryan said, looking up at the trees. “You’re the one stable thing in my life right now, and I don’t wanna fuck it up.”
“You won’t fuck it up,” I responded, bumping his shoulder. “Think you can chase me away so easy? I know you, Ry. With us graduating, I think you’re just freaking out a little. You don’t handle change well.”
Ryan was the guy who got irritated at fast-food places when they changed their menus for crying out loud. Graduating and then preparing for college probably just had his mind scattered.
“You sure you don’t wanna be a shrink?” Ryan asked with a light laugh. “You’d make a killing.”
“Nah, I’d be a horrible shrink,” I said, enjoying the light-hearted moment. Much better than all the tense ones earlier, both with him over the phone and then with Steve. “If you want me to be your personal therapist, you’ll have to pay me the big bucks.”
“Oh yeah?” Ryan grinned. “How about buying you dinner and then going back to my place to play video games until we pass out?”
I mirrored his smile. “Sounds good to me.”
Ryan bought us Taco Bell before we drove to his house. Amber called out to us from the living room when we came through the door.
“Ryan? That you?”
“Nope. It’s a ghost.”
She laughed and turned to look at us as we entered the living room. Dustin sat beside her on the couch, and a Lifetime movie played on the TV.
“Good to see you, Cason,” she said, smiling. “You staying the night?”
“Yep, he is,” Ryan interjected before I had the chance. “I hope that’s cool.”
“Of course,” Amber said.
I followed Ryan to his room and sat on the bed as he started up the Xbox.Unlike his room at Emery’s house, this one was mostly picked up, apart from dirty clothes on the floor and some soda cans.
“Ready for me to kick your ass?” Ryan tossed me a controller before grabbing the Taco Bell bag and fishing out a Burrito Supreme.
“What the fuck ever,” I shot back. “I’m the Halomaster.”
We stuffed our faces, gamed, and talked shit to each other. After a while, I forgot about the heavy shit weighing me down. I got the feeling Ryan did too.