Page 79 of Eryx
His silence drove me mad, for I feared it confirmed my worries.
“Tell me!” I roared, gripping his upper arms. The anger released me from its mighty grip when I stared into his eyes, though. I leaned forward and rested my cheek against his before softly saying, “Please, Ax. You cannot even begin to fathom the atrocious thoughts in my mind. Speak the truth so that I may lay them to rest.”
“There are times when a lie is more forgiving than a truth,” Axios said in a cold tone, echoing my words from earlier.
I lifted my head and regarded him, seeing nothing but bitterness in his expression.
“You lay with him,” I spoke, my voice steady despite the storm in my heart. Indifference had become my shield. I turned to it when I was hurting because it was easier than showing weak emotions such as sorrow.
“No, I did not lie with him,” Axios said after a long pause. “Though, I considered it. He kissed me, and I let him. And when he suggested that we go to his chambers, I nearly said yes, if only to spite you.”
My shield of indifference crumbled away then, and I could not hide my pain behind it. Axios had considered betraying me. He had nearly given himself to someone else.
From a young age, I was taught to withstand pain—to rise above it and not register its existence. Yet, no training had prepared me for this type of pain.
I willed myself to speak, but no words came.
“You wounded me deeply,” Axios said, his nostrils flaring with anger. But, like me, he could not hide his pain, either. “You confessed that you would toss me away without a moment’s hesitation. For marriage. For the profession you love more than me!”
I lovednothingmore than him.
Tears fell from his eyes, and he wiped them away with a frustrated growl. “Gods be damned, Ery, you aremineand I am yours. I have been since the day so long ago when you stood in line with the other boys and encouraged me to stand and fight.”
As I stared at him, I remembered that day. I remembered the stubborn youth with dark hair falling into his honey eyes as he was beaten to the dirt. He had refused to let Sparta take his humanity. I had respected him for it, knowing his will was stronger than any of us.
“A lot has changed since that day,” I said at last.
“But that never will,” Axios spoke. “Our lives may take us to unexpected places and it might alter many things, but I will forever be yours.”
I pressed myself closer to him. How could he say he was mine when he’d just kissed another man? But then I knew. He had kissed the king to hurt me. Because I had hurt him first.
I caressed his cheek, amazed at how love could set my heart alight one moment and break it the next.
“Affection such as the one we share is looked down upon in Sparta. Do you know why that is?” I whispered. Slowly, he shook his head, his stare unwavering. “It is because it makes us weak. As warriors, we are to be obedient and to put our home above all else, to follow orders—no matter what they may be—and to die if we must. When we allow love into our lives, we become prisoners to it.”
More tears welled in his eyes, and he clenched his jaw.
“Do you not see, Ax?” I shook my head, barely able to compose myself. I hated the sight of his tears. “When we are together, all I think about is you. Because we were at odds today, I made many foolish mistakes—mistakes I donotmake. I can never be the warrior I’m meant to be because Idoplace you first. Always.”
A part of me had known it all along. I had spoken of possibly leaving Axios one day if we ever had to marry women, yet in my heart, I had known I never could. My name was already tarnished because of my cowardly father. And maybe I had been desperate to prove myself. To prove I was better.
“Is this goodbye, Eryx?” Axios touched my jaw before dropping his hand. “If it is, tell me now so that I may spare myself this torment of anticipation and leave your sight.”
Once again, he had misinterpreted my meaning. There I was confessing my loyalty to him, and he misconstrued the words. However, he brought forth an interesting point.
Should I walk away from him? My life would be easier if I did. I would no longer have to battle my loyalty to him and my duty to Sparta. I could focus purely on my training and rid myself of the weakness of love.
“It would be wise for me to let you go,” I admitted.
Axios trembled slightly, bracing himself for the moment when our lives forever changed. There’d be no more kisses in the middle of the night and no more comfort in each other’s arms. Everything would become meaningless.
“But I cannot,” I said, gripping the side of his neck. “My life is nothing without you by my side.”
And then I crushed my lips to his.
The force of my kiss caused him to lose his footing. He stumbled backward into the archway before falling to the grass and taking me with him. I landed on top of him.
A laugh escaped me as I stared down into his bewildered expression. It was another interesting thing about love. No matter how dire things had seemed only moments ago, a passionate kiss and a random tumble to the grass could be exactly what we needed to remember why we belonged together.
