Page 74 of Eryx
As his honey eyes stared into mine, my soul wept. We had to prepare ourselves for saying goodbye one day. We were no longer the boys who could run through the valley and steal kisses in secret. We were no longer the boys who could lay by our stream and speak of impossible things, such as adventure and love. Those boys had grown into men, and we had an obligation as soldiers. The sooner we accepted our fate, the easier it would be.
There was no running from our responsibilities. Not anymore.
I softly kissed him, wondering if it would be the last time our lips touched. Axios pressed his forehead to mine before drawing back and searching my face again.
“Tell me,” he ordered. “Now.”
I hesitated, unsure if I should speak the truth or utter another lie. The truth won.
“You wish to know what troubles me,” I said, holding his arm in a gentle grip before releasing it. “Perhaps my thoughts have gotten the best of me, and I caused you worry for naught. Yet… talk of marriage has dampened my spirit and forced me to consider things I’d rather not.”
Not able to meet his gaze, I focused on the floor. I detested my next words, yet I had no choice but to say them.
“One day we will each be expected to marry a woman and bed her,” I said. “Give her children. Our duty as Spartan males calls for it.”
Axios said nothing, and so I looked back up at him. Anger, but mostly sadness, blazed in his eyes.
“I do not desire anyone else,” I added. “But I fear we might not have a choice in the matter. When the day comes… we must do what is expected.”
“You’re wrong,” Axios snapped, his voice cracking. “There is always a choice, Eryx. Always. You just refuse to choose me.”
Refuse to choose him? I had no choice, and neither did he.
“Ax… I…” I reached for him.
He jerked away from me as angry tears pooled in his eyes. As one escaped and streamed down his cheek, he hastily wiped it away and gritted his teeth, glaring at me. He had surrendered to anger. It was easier, I supposed.
Heartache was much worse.
“I admire, and have forever admired, the way you hold Spartan ideals close to you. How you’ve built your life, stone by stone, with warrior values.” Axios clenched his fists as he trembled with barely contained rage. “Ever since we were boys, I have wished I could be like you. Strong, wise, and a man people regard with praise. A leader. But, my friend, you’ve become blinded by those principles.”
Where he turned to anger, I only felt sorrow. I was used to burying my emotions beneath a cool façade, but I could not hide them right then.
“You once told me you’d turn the whole world to ash for me,” Axios continued, sadly shaking his head. “And yet, you now stand before me, prepared to toss me away so easily. You truly are the perfect Spartan, aren’t you?”
The last part was said with a bitter edge.
He failed to understand my meaning. I never once said I’d throw him away. But he needed to accept reality. Fighting the truth now would only make it worse when our world crumbled around us.
I squared my jaw as he glared at me.
How dare he place the blame solely on me like I was a villain. He’d asked for the truth and I was giving it to him.
“It is not only I who will have to marry,” I spoke. “You will be required to as well. Do you not believe it also hurts me? To imagine a life without you?”
“That is where we differ, Eryx.” The anger left him and his eyes turned cold, devoid of all emotion. I saw neither warmth nor love; only a shell of the man I loved. “It matters not what they demand of me, I’d rather die than walk away from you. I knew your devotion to Sparta… I just never imagined you would choose it over me.”
“Remember all I taught you, Eryx. Hold the values close and true. Always.”
Father’s words returned to me as I met the eyes of the one person who made me question my loyalty. Years ago, I had tried casting aside my feelings for Axios because I’d suspected I’d have to make a decision one day between him and the Spartan principles I held dear.
Why did I have to choose? Was there not a way to appease both?
“Perhaps we could still be together,” I said, as a small shred of hope blossomed in my chest. “Even if we are married, that does not mean we have to part. We can do what is expected of us as husbands—bed our wives only to give them children—and then find our way back to each other.”
Again, I wondered if I was even capable of giving my body to someone else. In all my years, Axios had been the only one I desired. Perhaps with my eyes closed and wine coursing through my veins I’d be able to at least fake it enough to finish the act with a woman.
“No,” Axios growled. “I willnotbe some secret—a whore you sneak away to see in the dead of night. I’m appalled you’d even suggest it.”
