Page 38 of Eryx
I knew it hurt Axios that his mother showed me such warmth, yet kept him in the cold. And the sting in his eyes right then angered me. He deserved to be showered with affection, to be loved, and Amara treated him like he was a mere stranger passing through.
“We are well,” Axios answered, masking his hurt well. But I still saw it. “Felix has informed us that we may not stay long.”
“Then let us enjoy the time that is given,” Leanna said, grabbing his hand and leading him to the table.
Amara poured each of us a glass of water before taking her seat at the table. I barely listened as she spoke of her life as of late. No, my attention was solely on Axios, who surveyed the room and seemed so… distant, I suppose. The faraway look in his eyes made me curious. His body was here but his mind was elsewhere.
Where have you gone, my raven?
I watched the bump move in his throat as he ate a fig. I stared at his lips as his tongue dashed out and licked them. Gods, I wanted to taste him again.
“I have found my passion in this life,” Leanna said, after Amara finished her story about selling her crafts in the marketplace. “Javelin throwing. My instructor believes I’m the best she’s seen in many years.”
Physical strength was just as important for women as it was for men. They were well educated and trained. Once a woman reached age eighteen, her most important duty was childbearing. A woman’s body needed to be strong in order to birth strong men. Leanna was only in her sixteenth year, however, and still had a while to enjoy her youth and passions before obligation took them from her.
“One day I will be like Cynisca! The first woman to ever be victorious in the Olympic Games,” Leanna exclaimed and mimicked the noise of a roaring crowd. “I will lead my four-horse chariot to victory.”
Cynisca was a royal princess who had proved that women could be just as fierce as men. She was a heroine to many Spartan girls.
“I have no doubt, sister,” Axios said.
Leanna radiated with a smile. Her brother’s encouragement seemed to be exactly what she needed to hear.
“You will find a suitable husband and perform your duty as a Spartan woman by giving him sons,” Amara said in a disapproving tone. She stood and went over to close the shutters as a strong wind blew through the kitchen window. “Sons that will grow and become warriors that keep our homeland safe, both from the enemies outside our walls and the ones dwelling within.”
The ones dwelling within.She was referring to the helots. With their growing numbers, they outnumbered us Spartans. We had to stay strong and vigilant to prevent another uprising.
Yet, even though I agreed that Sparta needed more men, I pitied Leanna. In the years I’d known her, she’d made it clear she had no desire for a husband or children.
“Yes, Mother,” Leanna said, slumping a bit in her chair as her earlier enthusiasm blew away like a flower petal caught in a strong gust of wind. She was the petal and Amara was the wind.
Less than an hour later, Axios and I were back on the stone path heading for the barracks. He hadn’t said much during the visit, and I knew his mother’s behavior troubled him. Amara had wounded both of her children in different ways, forcing one to be something she wasn’t while disregarding the other for not being the man she wanted him to be.
“Leanna would dominate the games if she were allowed to compete,” he finally said as we neared the top of the hill that sloped down into the valley.
“Yes, she would,” I agreed.
“It’s unfair, is it not?” He sighed and kicked at a rock. “Sparta forces each of us into a mold. If we try to break free, we’re shoved back into it.”
“The mold keeps order,” I said, understanding his irritation but not sharing the same opinion. “Our life’s purpose is to serve Sparta.”
Axios frowned and said nothing more.
He didn’t need to say anything, for I knew his mind.
“What if I want more?”he’d once asked me.
I glanced over at him, seeing the way the breeze swept through his dark hair. It pained me to admit that he’d never receive his heart’s desire.
***
A rectangular courtyard sat outside the barracks. Most nights after evening meal, Nikias would call all the boys over and tell us stories. Some of the stories were lessons, testing our academic advancement as well as our ability to make quick decisions. The lessons, though serious in nature, lifted our spirits and further bonded us.
Darkness dominated Sparta now, the last remnants of the sun having sunk below the horizon.
“Come sit with me beside the fire,” Nikias said, waving us over.
Axios sat between me and Haden, and I moved closer to him, pressing my leg to his. He offered me an almost imperceptible smile. Our affection for each other wasn’t a secret, but we didn’t flaunt it either. The night was cold, dark, but the fire blazed high, the flames twisting and turning as they consumed the wood and stretched upward.
