Page 49 of Eryx
Usually, he rolled toward me once we were in our beds and snuggled against my chest. We took advantage of any moment we could touch, always with the knowledge in the back of our minds that our lives were shorter than most other men. But he didn’t roll toward me. He didn’t press his face against my neck, nor did he slide an arm across my abdomen.
My arms ached to hold him, yet I knew he didn’t want me right then.
“Forgive me,” I whispered.
Still, he said nothing.
The door flew open and banged against the wall. “Up, you worms!” Gaius barged in and nudged a sleeping boy with his foot. “Last boy to morning meal must fight for his food.”
We rose from our beds and fled the barracks. I made sure Axios remained in front of me the whole time.
A youth called Ian was the last in the hall, and Gaius shoved him to the floor before kicking him. Ian jumped to his feet and dodged the second hit. Gaius smirked and tripped the boy, and once Ian was down, Gaius bashed the youth’s head against the hard floor. Only once Ian was bleeding and bruised did Gaius allow him to sit with us at the table.
Melias reached over and wiped a trickle of blood from Ian’s brow. The two boys exchanged a look, holding eye contact for several heartbeats, before both focused on their meals.
Axios finished his food first and stared at his empty bowl. My belly still ached with hunger, but I scooted my bowl toward him. He shook his head and shoved it back in front of me.
“Eat, Ax,” I whispered. “I’m no longer hungry.”
Again, he shook his head. His silence and refusal to even look at me made my stomach turn. Perhaps I wasn’t hungry after all.
Training provided a nice distraction from my guilt. I’d upset Axios by not running away with him, but how could I?
I stood in the arena, facing off with Melias, while Axios fought Theon several feet away. Haden trained with Quill and Ian, two against one. Every boy gleamed with sweat and wavered with exhaustion. We were pushing ourselves harder than ever beneath the unrelenting sun.
Studying our herd, I knew nothing would ever cause me to abandon them. Fortune favored the brave, and no one was braver than the youths surrounding me.
“Enough for today,” Felix said. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest and nodded. “You’ve earned an afternoon of rest. We start again at daybreak.”
Some of the boys left the arena and headed for the river. Others stayed to continue training, which seemed to please Felix. However, I stood in place as I watched Axios walk to the edge of the field and peer out over the valley. I approached him and said nothing when I was at his side.
Although I’d never admit it to him, his behavior wounded me greatly. I had given him my innocence the night before—given him the only innocence I’d had left after our life had taken the rest—and now he cast me aside like a flower he’d plucked and decided he no longer wanted to keep.
A moment passed where he didn’t acknowledge my presence. I struggled for something—anything—to say.
“Ery,” he suddenly said, touching my forearm. When his gaze landed on mine, I saw guilt in his eyes instead of anger like I’d expected. He withdrew his hand. “Let us put behind us what occurred earlier. I should not have asked such a thing of you.”
“I know the reason for you asking,” I said, focusing on the two boys still practicing in the arena. Both were bloody but neither surrendered to defeat. “You have questioned this life since we first met—defying orders when it was to issue harm upon another, refusing to look down on slaves, and consistently expressing whimsical ideals about life away from the city. I had hoped you’d accepted our ways these past years, that you’d found the same passion for our home as I do deep in my bones, but you’ve held firm in your beliefs.”
Conflicting emotions attacked at once. I was worried for Axios. If anyone other than me heard his dreams about leaving Sparta, he’d be severely punished. Yet, frustration also plagued me.
If he’d abandon Sparta so easily… would he also abandon me with such ease?
“Not often I tell you this, but you’re wrong,” Axios said, starting a slow pace away from the arena. I treaded beside him. “Yes, I’m inquisitive, stubborn, and live in my mind more than I should, but Idotake great pride in our home. When the time comes, I will fight for Sparta with all my might. It is only sometimes, in my weaker moments, I see how different our lives could be. And I yearn for it, Ery. By the gods, I yearn for it.”
I knew he did. And my heart broke for him because of it.
Axios stopped walking and turned to me. We stood in front of an animal enclosure, with goats grazing in the field beside us and a few horses doing the same.
“I crave a life where we can live in peace,” Axios said, his voice shaking. “Where love is seen as a strength and where our days are spent lounging by our stream, lost in conversation for hours on end. There’d be no sorrow, pain, and no darkness. Nothing but happiness and light. Love. However, I’ve come to the realization that dream will never be.”
This is the reason for his silence earlier.He hadn’t been mad at me for denying his request, but rather forlorn because he knew his dreams were for naught.
Tears welled in his eyes, and he wiped them away with a slight snarl. He hated showing such vulnerability. I touched his arm in a soft caress before pulling away.
“It may not be the same,” I said. “Not like the vision in your mind’s eye… but we can make a life together. Here.”
Our life might not be like I’d envisioned, but we could be happy. Somehow.
