“Hey, you,” I said, approaching him.
“Ben. You’re home.” The way his face lit up when seeing me did crazy things to my heart. “I was just about to mark my place in the book and begin cooking dinner.”
“I missed you.” I dropped to my knees in front of his chair and slid my arms around his waist, breathing in his lavender scent.
“You were only gone for five hours.” It felt like he kissed my hair. “I finished the cave documentary series and started another of your books.”
“Which one?” He’d read most of them already.
“Murder in Scottsville.”
“Oh, God.”
“Stop,” he said, chuckling. “It’s very good, actually. A different tone than what I’m used to reading from you, but the serial killer angle is quite intriguing. What do you have there?”
I sat back a little and held the box out to him. “Harvey’s letters. Carter and I found them in the attic and I read through some. But I stopped when I found…” I struggled with what to say. “Just take a look at them if you want. They’re for you.”
Theo stared at the box, stunned. “Harvey wrote to me?”
I nodded. The nerves coiling in my gut made me feel a little sick.
What if reading the letters pushed Theo away from me? Would it make Theo miss Harvey too much, and therefore, not want to be with me anymore?
“Ben, you’re shaking.”
“I’m going to start dinner.” I quickly got to my feet and stepped back from him.
“I can cook for you.”
“No, no. It’s fine. Meet me downstairs when you’re ready.”
Leaving the room in a hurry, I headed for the kitchen. However, I was in no mood to eat. Not when Theo was about to open that damn box and read the heartache-filled words Harvey wrote. They’d been so in love. Inseparable.
Who the hell was I to think I could live up to that?
Theo said he felt deeply for me, but I wasn’t Harvey, the boy he’d eaten blackberries with and snuck kisses to out of sight from everyone. The boy who’d finally given him wings to fly that night in the junkyard as they’d spun around together in circles, gazes locked and hearts beating wildly.
I was just Ben.
After starting a small pot of water on the stove, I grabbed the chicken from the fridge and seasoned it with Head Country. I added oil to the skillet and dropped the chicken down, hearing it sizzle as it started to cook. When the water began to boil, I dumped a box of noodles into the pot and sprinkled salt over it.
Dinner was done in about twenty minutes; a very simplistic version of chicken spaghetti. Theo hadn’t joined me yet. There were a ton of pages to read in that box, though, so I knew he’d be a while longer.
I sat at the table and forced myself to eat. After, I rinsed my plate and cleaned up my mess. Then I stood in the kitchen, not sure what to do. The grandfather clock ticked from the living room, rhythmic and soothing.
I imagined it could drive someone mad too.
When I still didn’t see or hear from Theo an hour later, I went up to our bedroom and grabbed clean clothes before taking a shower. I hoped the hot water would help ease my tension.
It didn’t. My nerves were wound too tightly.
Since Theo was in my office, I didn’t want to interrupt him, so I went to the library instead. I’d done my best at filling the empty shelves, and there was still room for more. I ran my hand along the book spines before gazing up at the fancy light fixtures and decorations I’d added over the months. I’d bought a couch and a desk for the room, just in case I needed a change of scenery to work.
Most of the recent additions to the library’s collection benefited both me and Theo. He liked the classics, just like I did.
My sweet Theo.
The thought of him made my chest ache, and I plopped down on the barely used leather couch. Hours later, I opened my eyes. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but I guess I was more exhausted than I’d realized. The light was on overhead, and I squinted against it as I stood up, my joints crackling and popping.