Page 40 of The Ghost of Ellwood
“Are you sure?”
Nodding, he grabbed my hand. “Harvey deserves to be remembered.”
“So do you.” I linked our fingers together. “No one even knows what happened to you, Theo. They say you went missing.”
“Missing,” he said with a humorless laugh. “I’ve been here all along. But that’s a story for another day.”
***
I found the journal under the floorboard beside the window. Theo had covered it in a white cloth, and with shaking hands, I unraveled it to reveal the leather binding.
“It’s all right, Ben.”
“Now that I know you, it feels like I’m invading your privacy by reading it.” I got to my feet and faced him.
“I trust you.” Though it rang of sadness, he smiled and clasped my hands, journal between them. “And I want you to know all there is about me. This will provide you that. Perhaps one day you could tell mine and Harvey’s story. After all, what’s a good ghost tale without a romance?”
“Romance isn’t my specialty.”
He patted my hand before stepping away. “I’ll leave you to your reading.”
“You’re not staying?”
But he was already gone.
I’d had every intention to work today, but this felt more important.
Sitting in the chair in the corner, I opened to the first page. Theo’s handwriting was a bit scratchy but beautiful too. I lightly ran my hand across the page before continuing where I left off in the first entry.
Two hours later, I hadn’t moved from my spot. Engrossed in the journal was an understatement. Every month from August 1914 to October 1917 was included. Some entries were smaller than others, only half a page, and others went on longer. All detailing Theo’s life, the good and the bad.
December 1915
Father is angry again. He was disappointed in dinner and threw his plate at my head. It still aches from where it caught me at the edge of my eye. It’ll leave a nasty bruise, along with the shallow cut. He made me pick up the broken shards afterward and threatened to cut me with one if I didn’t hurry it up.
I’m in the greenhouse now, writing this in the dark. The moon is helping me. They say there’s a man in the moon. I wonder if he’s watching me right now. If so, I hope he sends me his protection.
Father started drinking hours ago, and I fear what he might do if the urge strikes him to punish me again. Better for me to stay out of his way. I’m a man of seventeen, yet I still fear my Father’s wrath. He seems to become worse every day. Angrier.
I wish Harvey was here. He’d help me forget, at least for a while.
He makes everything better. He makes me laugh. When he grabs my hand, butterflies flap in my chest. Right where my heart is. I especially like it when he kisses my neck when we’re making love.
The Bible says we’re going to Hell for our appetites for each other. They preach it in church every Sunday. Abominations, they call us. Well not ‘us,’ for no one knows, but they say it in reference to men ‘like’ us. I’m not certain I believe the words are true.
How could what Harvey and I have be anything but good? We aren’t hurting anyone.
I love him. And love isn’t wrong.
My eyes grow heavy now. I should sleep. I brought a blanket and the pillow from my bed with me. It’s cold tonight. Even though, according to the church, God hates me, I will say a prayer anyway that I wake in the morning.
Until then, the man in the moon will give me his light.
I wiped at the tears wetting my cheeks.
In my life, I’d had a few instances of homophobia and hateful slurs thrown my way, but for the most part, I’d been lucky.
Men like Theo couldn’t say the same. If anyone had discovered him and Harvey’s relationship, both of them would’ve been thrown in prison and probably beaten to death while in there. A happy ending for them would’ve only been possible by them living together in secret.
