Page 105 of The Ghost of Ellwood
“Release me!” I flung an arm at him, and he caught it.
He held me tighter and jabbed his knee into my chest to hold me down. It was hard to breathe.
“You remind me so much of your mother,” he said, as an unsettling gleam appeared in his eyes. “Same raven black hair. Same soft features. You even share her personality. And her inability to lie. I could always tell when she was lying, you know. She’d glance to the left and her cheeks would darken. Just as you did when I asked about Edward.”
My eyes went wide.
He took hold of my head and banged it down on the hard floor. And then he did it again. With each hit, it felt like my brain rattled. When that wasn’t enough, he used his fists. One punch to my face and another to my chest.
“F-Father, s-s-stop.” I spit up blood.
“Confess to your sins,” he said, clenching his teeth. He punched me. “Tell me the truth!”
By this time, I was losing consciousness. Pain radiated through my skull and I couldn’t even feel my face anymore. I knew it was wet, though, because Father’s fists slid in blood as he hit me again.
He was going to kill me. I knew it, and I was powerless to stop it. The hit to the head when I fell on the table had put me at a disadvantage, otherwise I could’ve overpowered him.
“Have you sinned with Edward?” Father screamed, spit flying from his mouth.
“N-No.” My lungs burned as I fought to breathe. “L-Loving him is n-not a sin.”
They were the last words I ever said.
Father punched me one last time, and the world went dark.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before I was pulled to consciousness again. My body was being dragged over rocks and dry leaves. I remember opening my eyes and, though it was blurry, seeing the stars above me. The night was cold.
My father was dragging me somewhere in the woods. I still couldn’t feel my face, and my eyes must’ve been swollen because my vision wasn’t quite right. My limbs were too heavy. I tried to move my leg to get some traction on the cold, hard ground, but they wouldn’t budge.
My memory of the night is splotchy. Father stopped dragging me, and even though I knew I should run away, I couldn’t. My body no longer responded to me. He had a shovel and started to dig.
And all the while, I lay in the dirt, watching him. Speaking was useless. My mouth wouldn’t work, and my eyes fought to stay open. It was a battle I lost. They closed and the world fell away once more.
I woke just one final time.
I was in the ground, surrounded by cold, and Father was throwing dirt over me. The sound of it hitting my body was almost soothing in a way. But when it fell on my face, weighing me down, I struggled to breathe. I sucked in a breath and got nothing but a lungful of dirt.
I will spare you the details of my final moments, Ben. I can’t find the words anyway to describe the panic and the fear as I became aware of my situation. Being buried alive and unable to move and break free.
My final thought before I breathed my last breath was at least I’ll rest in a beautiful field of lavender.
I choked on a sob and closed my eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks. A field of lavender. That’s why he smelled like that? Bile rose in my throat, and I barely made it to the trashcan beside my desk before I emptied what remained of my lunch.
And then I cried like I never had before.
I cried for Theo and how his life had been cut too short. I cried for Harvey who never knew what happened to him. And I cried for all the LGBTQ+ kids who were rejected by their parents just for being who they were.
When I finally pulled myself together, it was dark outside. I was emotionally drained and fucking heartbroken. I needed a stiff drink, but most importantly, I needed Theo. My fear spiked at the thought of him being gone, and I took off running out of my office.
He was in front of the Christmas tree, touching one of the ornaments. I couldn’t pull him into my arms fast enough. Once he was chest to chest with me, I buried my face in his neck and held him.
“I apologize for ruining Christmas,” he whispered.
For some reason, it made me laugh, and the sound came out rough and hoarse. “You didn’t ruin Christmas, baby.” I cupped his face and stared into the brown eyes I loved more than anything. “Thank you for being so open. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
“It was the only thing I could give you that you didn’t already have. The truth.” He stared longingly at the tree. “It’s so beautiful. I’m not ready to take it down.”
“We can keep it up as long as you want.” He could have anything, just as long as he was here with me.
