Page 78 of The Ghost of Ellwood
In front of a shop, I opened the door for him. An instant whiff of baked goods hit my nose, and even though I was still a little full from breakfast, I knew I’d be stuffing my face again soon. Theo went inside and stopped in his tracks.
“A dessert shop?” he asked.
“Well, you said you liked chocolate,” I said. “Order whatever you want.”
He ordered peanut butter and chocolate fudge, chocolate truffles, and a large piece of cake. I had doubts about whether he could eat it all, but he did. We sat at a round table as he finished off the double-fudge cake, moaning as he licked the chocolate off his fingers. When he was done, he eyed my pie.
I scooted it toward him. “Help yourself.”
“Thank you.” He smiled and dug in.
“I’m surprised you don’t have a belly ache after that,” I said, as we left the shop.
“Harvey used to say the same.” Theo chuckled before a frown downturned his mouth. “I’m sorry I keep mentioning him, Ben. It’s not fair for you now that we’re an item.”
An item.He was too cute for words.
“Don’t be sorry,” I said, moving closer to him but keeping somewhat of a distance as to not make him uncomfortable. “Harvey was your first love. That’s something you never forget.”
“What about your first love?” Theo asked, putting his hands in the hoodie pocket.
“Honestly?” I shook my head. “I’ve never been in love.”
Until you.
But I didn’t say it, not sure how he’d react.
“Never? What about James?”
“I loved him, but I wasn’tinlove with him. Not anything like what you had with Harvey, that’s for sure.”
“What Harvey and I had was special. Innocent in so many ways. Shattering in others.”
“Do you miss him?”
Theo nodded sadly. “I do. A great deal. But, as someone once told me, the heart is big enough to love more than one person.”
It wasn’t quite an admission of love; yet, it made my heart beat faster anyway.
“It’s strange,” I said, pursing my lips.
“What is?”
I sat on a bench and he took the spot beside me, our thighs touching.
“It’s strange I’ve read your journal and know so much about your life,” I explained, shivering a bit as the breeze strengthened. “You wrote a lot about Harvey, and it feels like your love story with him belongs to someone else. Not you, the Theo beside me right now.”
“I’m not the same Theo anymore, Ben.” His gaze was fixated on the street in front of us.
“How so?”
“Sometimes I feel like the real me is slipping away. So many years I’ve been in the manor, watching the world pass me by. Strangers came and went. For a time, I forgot who I was. Time is cruel that way. I lashed out at everyone I could, chased people away. Out of fear. Out of anger. When I came back to myself, I realized I was turning into my father. It frightened me.”
I couldn’t grasp the years of loneliness Theo had suffered. I imagined it’d be like being stuck in solitary confinement for years and years with no one to talk to, no one to remind you who you were. The mental toll that would take on somebody was unfathomable. The pieces of your life, your belongings, and the pictures on the walls, all would be removed and replaced by other people’s things. Bit by bit, you’d be erased.
No wonder he’d been so angry.
“If you ever forget yourself again, I’ll remind you,” I said, placing my hand on his leg before quickly taking it off.
