Page 61 of The Ghost of Ellwood
I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
“You feel so good in my arms,” I said.
“I like being here,” he whispered, holding me closer. “I still believe you’ll grow bored of me, yet I can’t deny you anymore. I want this too much. And I shouldn’t want it.”
“Why shouldn’t you?”
“Because it makes me selfish.” Theo pressed his face to my neck, and chills erupted on my skin. “You’re giving me everything, but all I can offer you is a half-life.”
I remembered him saying something similar about being with Harvey. He hadn’t run away when Harvey begged for them to, because he didn’t want Harvey to later regret it. He hadn’t wanted him to live in the shadows.
“There you go again putting words in my mouth,” I said. “I don’t feel that way at all.”
“You will, but that’s a discussion for later.” Theo nuzzled his face to my chest. “I was so worried yesterday, Ben. When you fell down and I couldn’t wake you…it was the worst kind of fear. I’ve never used a fancy telephone before, but I’ve seen you use yours so many times. I didn’t hesitate before searching for Carter’s name. He was the only person I knew who could help.”
“I’m sorry for scaring you.”
He slapped my chest and glared at me. “That will never happen again. Do you hear me? You will drink eight cups of water every day, eat three meals a day, and you will take care of yourself. I will not lose you, Ben. I can’t.”
I almost laughed, but the seriousness in his expression stopped me. “I’ll do better. Okay?”
He nodded and laid his head back down.
“Can we talk more when I get home?” I asked, resting my cheek on the top of his dark hair.
“I’d like that.”
“It’s settled then. Tonight, these walls come down. Promise me.”
“I promise.” He peered up at me through dark lashes. “I’m sad I can’t be with you at your signing. If only it was on Halloween...”
Fuck, the sadness in his eyes made my chest hurt. He was allowed to leave on Halloween, though. I’d have to make it a night he’d always remember.
“Feel free to read more books while I’m gone.” I brushed his bangs from his brow, finding his hair soft and feathery.
“I will.”
Holding onto him—and have him actually hold me back—was indescribable. Still, I refused to have hope. Theo had been known to switch moods like the wind. Just because he was giving in now didn’t mean he’d feel the same later.
“Hey, Ben?” Carter called from outside. “Not to, like, interrupt or anything, but we kinda need to go. Otherwise, your agent’s gonna lose his shit.”
Theo smiled. “Go. I’ll be here when you return.”
“Remember,” I said, pulling away from him but holding his hand as I did. “We’re talking this out tonight. No more games.”
He nodded. “Be careful.”
I exited the manor and locked the door. Before leaving, I placed my hand on the wood, wishing Theo could come with me. I didn’t want to admit it to him, but it upset me that he was stuck here. But not for the reasons he thought. I just wanted him to experience the world like he never got to.
Carter popped his gum. “Were you able to talk to him?”
“A little.” I walked down the steps, unlocking the car with my key fob. I got into the driver’s seat, and Carter slid in beside me. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear about it.”
“Still think it’s freaking weird, dude, but whatever makes you happy.”
As I put the car in reverse, I looked at the manor. Theo stood in the window, but he didn’t seem as sad as he sometimes did. He waved before fading into darkness.
“Have you ever been to the house on Redwood?” I asked, as I pulled out of the driveway.
