Page 2 of The Ghost of Ellwood
“Wow, Ben.” James wiped his mouth and tossed the napkin down. “Even when you’re not working, you’re still not here. You’re always lost in your head, thinking about your stupid books.”
“Stupid?”
“Let’s be honest here.” James tapped his finger on his glass. “Your last few books have been mediocre at best. You used to be brilliant. Creative and innovative. Now? You’re just another washed-up writer with nothing new to offer the world.”
His sudden aggression took me by surprise. “I know I’m in a slump right now. Okay? And Iknowthe past two books weren’t my best, but I’m fucking trying here, James. While I appreciate your honesty, it’d also be nice to have your goddamn support every once in a while.”
“My support?” Fire blazed in his green eyes. “That’s all I’ve given you, Ben! My support. My time. And for what? For you to treat me like shit? When you’re doing well in your writing, you’re happier. You take me out and actually remember I exist. But when you’re like this—” He waved a hand at me “—you might as well not even be here. I can’t remember the last time you touched me.”
My first impulse was to get angry. But he was right. I hadn’t been present in our relationship, and my mood was all over the place—much like my writing.
“I…I’m sorry,” I said, placing my fork down, no longer hungry. “I didn’t realize you were so unhappy.”
“Howcouldyou realize it? You barely talk to me. All you do is sit in that damn office with your million book ideas and unfinished manuscripts. We’re two strangers living under the same roof, Ben, and I can’t do it anymore.”
“Can’t do what?”
James finished off his wine. “I’ve met someone else. Someone who actually gives a damn about me.”
As his words registered in my head, I struggled to find the sadness and anger I should’ve felt. Almost three years together, and I felt nothing as he admitted to having an affair.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” James asked, furrowing his brow. “I’ve cheated on you and all you can say isokay?”
“What do youwantme to say, James? As you pointed out, I haven’t been here for you. We’ve grown apart, and this has been coming for a while. You’re a bastard for cheating, but I can understand why you did.”
He visibly relaxed, and for the first time all evening, the irritation slipped from his expression. “I did love you, Ben. More than I can ever explain.”
“I loved you, too.”
I noted the past tense in both of our confessions. We hadn’t been in love for a very long time.
“What happens now?” he asked.
That was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? What did two people do when they fell out of love? The house was in my name, but I didn’t want to kick James out with nowhere to go. What ifIwas the one who left? A change of scenery might be good for me.
A new beginning.
“I can stay with Shane,” James suggested as his cheeks darkened with a blush. “He’s already offered several times, and I kept saying no.”
Shane…
“Shane Walsh?” I asked. “As in, myagent?”
His horrified expression told me all I needed to know. It was also clear why he’d blushed earlier, not from embarrassment but shame.
Great.NowI was kind of pissed.
“So, what? You two cozied up behind my back as I’ve been killing myself with my work? Is that why you have such a poor opinion of my career right now? Because Shane is disappointed with his percentage of sales and vents to you about it?”
“Ben, it wasn’t like that. We got to talking during your last signing, and…I guess…it just grew from there.”
“My last signing was about a year ago, James! You two have been going behind my back since then?”
He didn’t answer.
“Un-fucking-believable,” I said, scooting my chair back from the table and standing.
