Page 30 of Brighter Shades of Light
“Think on it some more,” I told him. “Do some soul searching if you have to. Don’t make any hasty decisions, though, and wait until you’re sure.”
“Thanks for not judging me.” He turned on the bed to face me. “You’re going to make an incredible leader one day. There’s no doubt about it. Goodnight.”
Once he turned off the light and left, I lay back down and stared up at the ceiling, no longer tired.
It was hard to believe that just this morning, Dr. Vale had spoken to me after class; that we’d sat together at lunch and shared that fucking hot look. Everything had kind of turned shitty after that.
Tristen was at the top of our class. Having him freeze up today had thrown me for a loop. I hadn’t been able to concentrate once going back into the game and had taken a shot to the jaw not even five minutes in.
When I finally fell asleep, my dreams were dark. Bullets whizzed in the night air as Marines lay around me and cried out as blood pooled from their mouths. Tristen lay on the ground, his eyes open but unseeing. Rachel, Marcus, and Keith were there, too. Some were missing legs and arms. All of them were dead.
I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I tried to run, but my legs were like lead and I kept falling into the mud.
I woke in a cold sweat sometime around four in the morning and decided to stay awake. I was afraid if I went back to sleep, it would put me right back into that dark place. I got up and poured a glass of orange juice before settling into the armchair in the living room to watch TV.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I didn’t have PT and only had three classes, so I didn’t have to be anywhere until later. I’d probably go for a run in a while, though. I needed to stretch my legs and feel the air on my face. Needed to run away from the shit in my head.
Chapter 9
Sebastian
The Junghans mantel clock on my desk played a whimsical melody, snapping me awake. I had fallen asleep in my study—again. In a very uncomfortable position, too, judging by the crick in my neck. I needed to start taking better care of myself.
The music stopped, and I stared at the clock, feeling an overwhelming sadness take root inside my chest. A wooden antique clock with brass works, a mahogany case, beveled glass around the clock face, and Westminster chimes.
“Do you like it?” he asked, after I took the lid off the box.
“Why a clock?” I stared into Leon’s blue eyes before pulling out the clock and studying it.
“So you can keep track of time.” He laughed. “Maybe then you’ll remember to eat and sleep.”
Before I could let my mind get carried away, reminding me of a past I’d rather keep locked up tight, I fixed the crooked glasses on my nose and stood. A shower was in order before anything else. I turned on the water and stripped out of yesterday’s clothes before placing my glasses on the bathroom sink and stepping inside the tub.
As the warm water soaked my hair and fell down my body, I closed my eyes and relaxed. My thoughts drifted to Cody Miller.
Over a week had passed since he’d sat with me in the dining hall, and each day I saw him sitting in my classroom was another day I fought the urge to talk to him.
Why couldn’t I forget him?
He was a student. I could very well lose my job for pursuing him, at least while he was in my class. University policy didn’t prohibit professor-student relationships once the student was out of said professor’s class, though.
Why am I even considering the ridiculous notion?
Cody had shown little signs of being interested in me as more than an admirer of my work. He was a bit too friendly at times. Like the comment about me smiling. He wasn’t the brightest student I’d ever had, but he was intelligent and had above average looks.
What was it that drew me to him?
With Leon, it had been his mind. I hadn’t registered his physical attraction until I’d gotten a glimpse into his head. His ideas, his theories, they had excited me. Made me excited to see him every morning. Then, when we took our friendship to the next level, so many things about him had called to me, things I hadn’t noticed before. Like how soft his hands were when he held mine, how the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled.
Stop thinking of him.
I put Leon from my mind and washed my hair, taking time to massage my scalp for a bit in hopes of easing the headache forming behind my eyes.
Something else about Cody drew me in. Not only his mind. But perhaps his personality or the way he blushed when he got nervous and floundered around, bumping into objects and people in his attempt to run away. I couldn’t forget how he’d corrected my assumption about him being interested in women, and the expression in his eyes as he smirked at me afterward.
His smile was contagious. Bright, toothy, and exposing the slight dimple in his cheeks.
Desire traveled through me, gathering somewhere it had no right to.
