Page 29 of Brighter Shades of Light
“We were being shot at,” he said with a furrowed brow. “I remember hearing the shots hit the trees around us as you ran. But they didn’t hit you.” He checked himself. “I’m not hit either.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Once I’d realized how real the situation could’ve been, it was like someone else took over my body. All of our training had filled my head, and I’d thought of nothing except getting my friend to safety.
“Everything okay?” Gunnery Sergeant Colgrove asked, approaching us. “Why are you here? You’re not hit.”
Tristen gave me a pleading look. He didn’t want Colgrove knowing he’d panicked.
“All is fine, sir,” I said, standing at attention.
“I haven’t been sleeping well, sir, and I think the heat got to me.” Tristen looked at me, then Colgrove. His reasoning still wasn’t good in the eyes of our drill instructor, but it was better than telling the truth. That he’d frozen among the conflict. A mistake like that could’ve gotten his whole unit killed. “I got lightheaded and fell. Cody saw me and took it upon himself to carry me away.”
“And neither of you were tagged in the process.” Colgrove eyed me up and down before giving a curt nod. “Nicely done, Miller. Now get back out there. As for you,” he cut his eyes at Tristen. “You won’t last long out there if you can’t handle a little heat and exhaustion. Toughen up, midshipman, or the Marines will eat you alive.”
Tristen left the dead zone with a defeated slump of his shoulders.
I adjusted my helmet, grabbed my gun, and ran back into the woods.
Later that evening, Tristen and I were in the dorm, him in his room and me in mine. He hadn’t said much since I’d come back from drill. I knew him well enough to know he was beating himself up.
Give him space,I reminded myself for the tenth time. I wanted to talk to him about it, but I didn’t know what to say. Not yet.
Homework sounded better than figuring it out right now. So, I read over the online assignment for one class and answered the multiple choice questions on the quiz.
Each of our classes had an online course page where the professors posted homework assignments and quizzes. The exams, which were worth a bigger percentage of our grade, were done in class under teacher supervision. We were given unlimited attempts on the homework and three attempts for the quizzes. Our best grade out of them was chosen.
I scored a ninety-five percent on my first try for the quiz and felt that was good enough. After a long-ass day, I was mentally and physically drained.
I had just slid into bed when a knock sounded at my door.
“Come in.”
Tristen walked in. He looked fucking miserable. The golden boy had lost his shine. “Hey. Can we talk?”
“Yeah.” I sat up and scrubbed a hand over my face. “Turn on the light. What’s up?”
He flipped on the light and walked farther into the room.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for this, Cody,” he whispered, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Don’t say that. You got nervous. It happens.”
“I didn’t just get nervous.” His eyes moved to mine. “I fucking panicked. On uniform days, you know how we get attention from people. In my classes, I have people ask me questions. Some want to know about the program, maybe curious enough to join, and others just want to know what I plan to do after my service is complete.”
I had the same happen to me.
“Today, though, a guy in my world history class went a little far.” Tristen’s voice shook. “He asked me if I was prepared to fight for my country. If I was ready to die for it, get blown up or riddled with bullets. He said I probably shouldn’t get too attached to any of my limbs. I got the feeling he was kinda anti-military. But anyway, he got to me. Then when Colgrove was talking about us being gunned down if we fucked up, it put me in a weird mindset.” He clasped his hands in front of him. “And I froze when my team needed me. If it was real—”
“It wasn’t—”
“But if it was,” he interjected in a sharp tone. “My hesitation could’ve killed you guys. All it takes is one second for everything to go to shit.”
“Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat it.” I scratched at my prickly jaw, a reminder I needed to shave in the morning. “There’s a chance that if we pass the program, become second lieutenants, and get deployed…we might not come home. And if we do, it might not be in one piece. Things are better now than they used to be, but it’s still dangerous. Is that scary? You fucking better believe it is. But it’s also a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
Tristen looked at me.
“Do I want you to stay? Fuck yeah. But it’s not a decision for me to make for you. If you don’t think you’re meant to do this, it’s not too late to drop out. Better for you to realize it now than later.”
“I don’t know, Cody.” His mouth quivered. “Part of me is proud to be here, but another part wants to run the other way.”
