Page 22 of Brighter Shades of Light
“I don’t want the damn TA position.” I cut my eyes at him. “He doesn’t even offer one, so what’s your deal? Are you this rude to everyone, or just me?”
“I’m not rude. You’re the only one in class on my level, therefore you’re my competition. I’m logical.”
“No, you’re an asshole. But close.”
I slung my backpack over one shoulder and walked up the steps to the back of the lecture hall. So, Brownnoser Brandon felt threatened by me, even though I’d done nothing to the guy. How did he even know I was his competition? Because I answered questions in class and took notes?
Well, he could just go sit on a cactus for all I cared.
Outside, I breathed in the warm day and tried to let it go.
Punks had been messing with me ever since I could remember. When I was younger, kids picked on me for how I dressed. I never had the fancy, designer clothes like they all wore. Mine had usually been littered with holes or out of date because Dad hadn’t been able to afford new ones. In high school, it got better, but guys started giving me crap for never having a girlfriend. Then when I came out at sixteen, I was bullied for that, too.
So, yeah. I was used to assholes. Brandon wasn’t worth the energy it took to be upset.
At eleven o’clock, I had my Mechanics of Materials class. It was in the math and science building, so I decided to stick around, maybe find somewhere to sit in the shade and read. I had found a book in the library calledBand of Brothersby Stephen E. Ambrose. I’d seen the documentary based on the book and had greatly enjoyed it. The book was great, too, so far.
Plopping down under a tree, I sat against the trunk and pulled the book from my bag, flipping to the marked page.
Birds chirped overhead, and I said a silent prayer that they wouldn’t shit on me.
Chapter 7
Sebastian
Cody sat outside my office window, reading a book under the tree I’d often stared at when contemplating a theory or when deep in thought about why a tested hypothesis had failed. I watched him for a number of minutes. Maybe longer.
His brown hair ruffled with the summer breeze, and he reclined against the trunk, stretching out his legs and closing his eyes a moment before continuing reading.
What had he really wanted to say to me after class? The bit about understanding entropy had obviously been a cover for something else.
He’d been so flustered and tongue-tied, and I’d been short with him. Chasing him away like I seemed to chase everyone else away.
The conversation with Emily the week before had sent me down a spiral of self-doubt. I kept questioning myself, wondering why I failed again and again when I tried to make someone else happy. Two and two was supposed to equal four, and yet, when I tried it, I somehow got five.
Perhaps I’m meant to be alone.
My attractions over the years had been passing fancies. Some I’d indulged in, and others I had admired from afar and let slip through my fingers. Some had even been successful for a while. I often saw the result I wanted in my mind—me and the other person talking, growing closer, and forming some type of bond—yet the execution needed work.
A lot of work.
Articulating my thoughts in a non-laboratory setting had been an issue for me ever since I could remember. Even as a young boy, I’d never been on the same frequency as everyone else. I could sit in the middle of a group, hearing their words and seeing their responses to those words, but I wouldn’t understand them. The jokes went over my head, and their references to pop culture did the same.
Only one person had ever understood me.Trulyunderstood me.
“Tell me, Sebastian,” Leon said, ghosting his fingers across my lips before stepping back. He hadn’t touched me, though I’d felt him in my very core. “Do you believe the universe is finite or infinite?”
We were in the laboratory, working day and night on a research project. Within that time, Leon had become my friend. The only friend I’d ever truly had.
“What I believe doesn’t matter,” I answered as his hand fell away from my face. “The truth will remain the same regardless, and unfortunately, it’s a truth we have no way of knowing. Yet.”
“Humor me, then.” His blue eyes watched me carefully.
“To mankind, space is infinite,” I said. “Endless space that goes on and on. Though, the idea of infinity is hard for me to process. Everything has a beginning and an end.”
“Then, what does the end of the universe look like in your mind?” Leon leaned closer. His breath tickled my cheek.
But his lips didn’t touch my skin. Oh, how I craved for them to.
