Page 41 of Declan
“Sure.” I walked to the closet and grabbed a clean shirt and some joggers before putting them on.
When Kyler didn’t say anything, I looked at him.
He stared at his hands as he picked at them. Clearly nervous. Then, gray eyes lifted to my face.
“What is this?” he asked with an imploring expression. “Yeah, it’s just sex. That’s not what I mean.”
“Whatdoyou mean?” I interjected, not moving from my spot near the closet. It was fitting, I supposed. I lived in a fucking closet, might as well find comfort near one, too.
“I’ve followed your career for a while.” Kyler slid a hand through his brown hair, and even from my distance, I saw the blush on his freckled cheeks. “And all these years, I never knew you were… you know. Into guys or whatever. So, it’s a shock for me to be naked in your bed right now.”
“It’s technically not my bed,” I said. “It belongs to the hotel.”
Kyler grinned and put his face in his hands. “Jesus, Declan. Can we not get sidetracked by technicalities here?”
I would’ve rather discussed anythingbutthat topic. However, I knew it was important. It’d been foolish of me to think I could fuck Kyler and not have him ask any questions afterward.
“Okay,” I said, approaching the bed. I didn’t sit, though. I remained standing and crossed my arms over my chest. Total defensive stance. “You’re asking if…what? I’m gay? Bi?”
Kyler nodded, causing the wavy strands of his hair to bounce a little.
“And it matters why?” I challenged.
“Well, it doesn’t reallymatter,” Kyler said, furrowing his brow. “I don’t mean to put a label on you.”
“Then, why are you?” Shit, I sounded like an asshole. “We fucked, Kyler. That’s all. There’s no reason to think this much into it.”
“Can you stop being a dickwad for a minute?” Kyler snapped, flicking the sheet off him and getting out of bed. He walked toward me, naked and seething. “You have no idea how much you helped me. I hated myself once. I tried to be attracted to girls, and it just wasn’t happening. I thought I was broken. A freak. People said that guys like me had no place in society. That we were abominations. For a fifteen year old kid, that was a lot to deal with, you know?”
Kyler stopped about a foot away from me, his eyes watering.
“Then, I went to watch some new action movie with some friends,” he continued. “And that’s when I first saw you. Even as a supporting actor, you stole the spotlight. To me, anyway. It was the first time I ever saw a gay character in a big action movie. A character that wasn’t full of bullshit stereotypes or just thrown in for comedy relief. Like, you kicked major ass and just happened to also have a boyfriend. That was huge for me to see. Huge for any gay kid who was struggling like I was to see.”
My chest was tight as I listened to him. As I saw the emotion in his eyes and heard it reflecting in his shaky tone.
And to think I’d nearly rejected the role because of the gay thing. I’d been terrified people would automatically assume I was gay because of it. That my years of pretending to be straight after leaving Mrs. Reese’s foster home would come crashing down. But I’d accepted it, because it’d been my first big break in the industry and only an idiot would’ve let it slip through their fingers. I never thought it’d impact someone like that.
“You helped me see myself in a different light,” Kyler said, touching my arm. “I finally felt like I had a place in the world. So yeah.” He stepped back a bit and wiped at his eyes. “Thereisa reason for me to think so much into it. Itdoesmatter if you’re actually gay. Not so I can put you in a box, but because you’re my fucking hero, Declan.”
Through the years, I’d been many things to many different people. But no one had ever called me their hero. To hear Kyler say it…I was speechless.
“I’m not a hero, kid.”
“And I’m not a kid,” he shot back.
“No. You’re not,” I agreed. The beautiful man standing before me was certainly no kid. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say here.”
“The truth maybe?”
Damn, he was a feisty thing.
“Okay.” I uncrossed my arms and rested them at my sides. I hadn’t said anything yet and already wanted to punch myself. “The truth is I’m not gay. I’m not bi.”
“Funny,” Kyler said, glaring at me. “You didn’t fuck me like a straight man.”
“I was just curious and wanted to experiment,” I continued the lie. Digging myself a deeper hole.
That broke through Kyler’s anger. He looked like I’d just slapped him.
