Page 22 of Cheater and the Saint
His eyes grew large, and he stepped back, putting up his hands. “Okay. I won’t. I… I’m sorry.”
My gaze darted throughout the room as a weird sensation clawed at my skin. It felt like all the people were closing in around me, suffocating me. My throat closed up and my vision blurred. Everything sounded so loud and then fuzzy. Muffled.
I dropped the pool stick and staggered, catching myself on the edge of the table.
“Dude. What the hell?” Leo sprung up beside me but didn’t touch me.
I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on my breathing. “Give me a few minutes.” Inhale. Exhale. “I’m having a panic attack.”
It’d been nearly two months since I had one. And shit, I hadn’t missed them.
You’re okay. Your throat isnotclosing. You can breathe. Just breathe.I repeated the words over and over in my head.
I patted my pockets for my fidget spinner, knowing damn well I hadn’t brought it with me. Mainly, because I hadn’t foreseen a damn panic attack to rear its ugly head and turn my night to shit. I worked on my breathing. In, hold, out. I opened my eyes and it seemed like the whole room was getting smaller, closing in on me.
“Saint?” Leo’s voice was low and calm. Steady. I focused on the sound. “I’m going to grab your arm, okay? We’re gonna go outside. Get you some fresh air.”
All I could do was nod.
Leo looked so worried with his narrowed brow and his troubled eyes. His hand found mine, and we cut around the dance floor to the exit on the other side. Once we were outside, I breathed in deeply, let go of his hand, and leaned forward to rest my hands on my knees. The air held a slight chill, and I was grateful for it.
I felt like I was on fire.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to say between deep breaths.
“What the hell happened in there?” Leo stood about a foot away, looking lost and unsure. That made two of us. “You scared the fuck outta me.”
“I don’t like crowds,” I said, feeling the claws of the attack begin to retract from my chest. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the real reason.
“Has this ever happened before?”
“Yeah,” I answered, straightening my spine and putting my hands on my hips, leaning my head back against the wall. “If it’s okay with you, I think I’m gonna call an Uber and go home.”
We’d driven together, and I didn’t want to ruin his good night by calling it quits early.
“Sorry I didn’t listen when you said you didn’t wanna come out.” Leo’s apologetic tone matched his expression. “I thought you were just being shy and needed a push to get out of your shell.”
“Whydidyou invite me out?” I asked as the last effects of the attack trickled away. Finally able to face him, I stared into his eyes, noticing they looked black. It was both kind of intimidating and sexy at the same time.
Leo nudged my arm before walking toward the parking lot. I followed, hesitant at first. Once we found his truck and got inside, he started it and we sat in silence. The low murmuring of the radio and the idling engine were the only sounds.
“I want to get to know you, Saint.” He stared at the steering wheel before moving his dark eyes to me. “And I guess I just don’t know how to. You’re not like other people I’ve met. When I’m with the guys, we go to bars or clubs. Ya know, hang out and goof off with some drinks. Any new people I meet, it’s how we bond. At parties and in groups. It’s easy.”
“And I’m difficult,” I said for him.
“I prefer to say a challenge,” he corrected with a half-smile. “Difficultmakes you sound like a naughty child who needs a spanking. I mean, I could always spank you, too, if ya want.”
Always cracking jokes.
“I don’t want to be your little experiment, Leo.” That’s precisely what I felt like; some weird thing in a glass jar that he scrutinized before taking out and dissecting. “I don’t want your pity. Not everyone has to have a hundred friends and be the life of the party. Some of usliketo be alone. To have a small tribe of people and that’s it. To stay in on Saturday night instead of going out to some random club with a bunch of strangers.”
“Everyone’s a stranger until they become your friend.”
My irritation waned. “Is that what you want? To be my friend?”
“Pretty sure I already answered that weeks ago.” He looked at me, and I was confused. “In the cafeteria, remember? I said I wanted to be your friend. What doyouwant, Saint? If you want me to leave you alone from now on, I will. But you have to tell me, because I’m not the best at understanding hints and shit.”
I didn’t know what to say. So I said nothing.
