Page 59 of Tangled Up In You
“We just went down different paths, I guess.” Before I let myself travel down that treacherous road again, I changed the subject. “That’s enough warming up for now. Let’s go to the practice field to work on some drills.”
However, Daniel didn’t let the subject drop that easy.
“Was it because he’s gay?” he asked, standing up and placing the weights back on the rack.
“What? No.” I hadn’t known Hunter’s students knew his sexuality. He’d told me he’d come out to his parents, but I didn’t know the whole town knew. “Why did you ask?”
“I don’t know,” Daniel said with a shrug. “People here talk, you know? And not all of them are as open-minded about things. Mostly the older people.” He looked at me, and the intense hurt in his eyes made my stomach turn. “My dad likes to have his friends over a lot, especially on game days, because they all sit around his huge flat-screen TV. Doesn’t matter if it’s football or baseball, just as long as it’s sports and they can drink and pig out. He’s a huge fan of yours.”
I wasn’t sure what exactly he was getting at, but I understood his need to talk to someone. It was clear in his posture and the defeated look in his dark eyes.
“He wasn’t too happy that you joined the Raptors,” Daniel added with a humorless laugh. “But he uses you as an example to me, telling me that someone from our small town made it all the way to the pros, so I need to do the same.”
“You can,” I said, squeezing his shoulder. “But only if that’s whatyouwant to do. Don’t live your life to please others, kid.”
“I want to,” Daniel said. “It’s just…I don’t know. You remember when that one baseball player came out a year or so ago? My dad totally went off the deep end, cursing and saying really awful things about him. He says bad things about Mr. Walsh too, which is how I found out he’s gay. Dad said all gay people should be banned from sports because we—um, they’re against nature. They don’t belong.”
Yeah, I didn’t miss his slip-up.
I was at a major crossroads right then. Daniel had basically told me he’s gay and was afraid of his dad—afraid of coming out, especially in the world of sports. I wanted to reassure him, to tell him to be himself and damn anyone else. But how could I give him advice on the matter, when I was still hiding whoIwas?
“I’m sorry,” Daniel said as his eyes grew wider. “That was a lot to lay on you. Um, let’s go practice.”
“Wait.” I reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him from walking away. “I didn’t leave Hunter because he’s gay. In fact…I…” Fuck. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t say them. I wanted to tell Daniel the truth about me, because Iknewthat information would help him, but I was still too much of a coward. “I left because I got a better offer. Him being gay had nothing to do with it.”
“How many active players do you know who are out?” he asked, not looking that hopeful.
“None,” I said, hating the way his face fell at my answer. “All the guys I know who are only came out after their contracts were up.”
Daniel nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“You know you can talk to me, right?” I said. “If there’s something going on at home, or whatever, you can talk to me about it.”
“I really just want to practice,” he responded, heading for the door.
“Okay.” I followed him outside.
The sun was bright, but not too hot when combined with the slight chill in the air. A few other guys on the football team were practicing on the field, and at our approach, they jogged over and high-fived me. I loved seeing them out there. With the season over, it really showed who was the most dedicated on the team.
Years ago, that’d been me. Every chance I got, I’d been out there working on drills, pushing myself farther and farther, knowing that football was all I’d wanted to do with my life. And I wasn’t going to give up that dream for anything.
Or anyone.
“Is it okay if we join?” Marcus, one of the linemen, asked. “It’s not every day we can get tips from a pro.”
I looked at Daniel to get his okay since he’d been the one to ask me first.
“Sounds great,” Daniel said. “We can work on some of our plays for next season.”
There weren’t enough guys out there to make two full teams, but I did my best to separate them into offense and defense roles. We spent the next hour and a half practicing. The kids were excited—and a little nervous at first—to be working with me. After a while, though, they stopped with the nerves and star struck looks and really got their heads into the game.
Honestly, I loved it. I’d never known that teaching could be so much fun. And rewarding.
There was one play I had the guys run several times, and the first time they got it down, the sheer expression of joy and pride on their faces touched something in my chest. Like I was really making a difference in their lives.
I wondered if that was how Hunter felt with his students.
Afterward, I walked with Daniel to the parking lot. I wanted to say more about what we’d been discussing earlier, but I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t come out to him and say it was okay to be yourself, when I hadn’t done the same in my own life.
