Page 57 of Axios
“I have nothing more to say.”
And then I left him.
***
Gaius was in a wretched mood that day, as he always seemed to be. Like every training session with him, he pushed us hard and inflicted brutality upon each of us. I had come to appreciate his cruelty, for he had made me strong.
However, I preferred to have Felix instruct us. He knew the balance between ruthlessness and patience—pushing us to our limits, but knowing when to pull back as well.
All Gaius knew was violence.
During our training, we were taught hand to hand combat, but during battle, Spartans fought in a phalanx formation. So the lessons had focused on phalanx warfare, and how when on the battlefield, we had to fight as one. As of late, emphasis had been on learning how to combat in the formation, and not in an individual style.
We each had a shield and a spear as we stood side by side.
As Gaius walked down the line, grunting and criticizing all of us, I let my mind wander to Leanna. I wondered how her walk went with Haden, and if they planned to meet again. Haden, like Eryx, taught his own herd of boys so he was not amongst the men at my side.
Gaius shouted a command, and we put the shields forward before stepping back with our right leg and moving our spears between the spaces created by the shields. In that formation, we would move as one and slowly advance toward the opposing army.
As the sun blazed down onto each of us, reflecting off the metal of our shields and creating flashes of golden light, I let my mind drift to Eryx.
I regretted leaving him that morning on bad terms. My behavior—while somewhat justified emotionally—was harsh. I had asked for the truth and should not have treated him in such a way for telling me. Having my worries verified had been too much to tolerate.
When forced to make the decision, he would choose his responsibilities over the desires of his heart.
Unfortunately, my ambling thoughts was a mistake as Gaius issued another order, and he did not take well to repeating himself a second time when I had still not answered him after the first.
“You simple minded boy!” he roared, grabbing the back of my hair and yanking my head back so hard that my neck popped. He stood at my side and fumed, his hot breath fanning across my cheek much too close for comfort. “You think it wise to ignore a command from your better? Or perhaps you are too dimwitted to understand.”
The sun overhead blinded me, the brightness stinging my eyes and causing me to squint. I tried to turn my head to look at him, but his hand tightened in my hair and held me in place.
“No, sir,” I growled. “I understand.”
You are not my better, was what I wanted to say, but fortunately, I did not speak those words.
Then, he leaned closer and whispered in a low tone that only I would hear, “What a shame you do not have your lover here to rescue you. You have always walked in his shadow, and now you are open and bare for all to see just how worthless and weak you are.”
He finally released me, and I straightened my stance, easily meeting his hardened stare. I stood only a few hairs shorter than him, no longer having to crane my neck to look into his cold eyes as I’d had to do as a young boy.
His words were a blade that cut through me, leaving a gaping wound where it had traveled through my chest and out the other side.
A part of me knew he was right. Eryx had protected me all through our time in theagoge; guiding me when I went astray, speaking encouraging words when I wanted to surrender, and believing in me when I did not believe in myself. He now commanded his own group of youths, and I was left behind.
I am not weak.
My blood boiled, and I discarded the part of myself that had fallen prey to his provoking words. Gaius was mistaken. His statement might have been true once upon a time, but I was different than the meek boy I used to be.
I am a Spartan.
When I looked upon him again, I felt a change in my attitude— a shift inside my body that sunk deep into my bones and redefined who I was. Squaring my jaw, I kept eye contact with him, refusing to cower like he wanted me to.
Gaius’ eyes darkened as he stared me down. “You believe yourself tough, boy?”
I said nothing.
“Very well,” he spoke, his steely gaze announcing the challenge even before he uttered the words. He grabbed my shield and tossed it to the dirt before doing the same with my spear. “Show me how tough you are.”
He took me off guard and punched me in the face. My head snapped to the side, and I tasted blood, but there was not a moment to waste. He reared back his arm, and I ducked before he could hit, feeling his swing go over the top of my head.
