Page 7 of Bad Call
“Really? You mean I finally get to show you off to all my friends?” he asked, his eyes lighting up. I couldn’t help the smile that broke free at how happy he looked. And I couldn’t lie…him wanting to go out with me on his arm was a pretty nice ego boost. But that was nothing new. Em was always proud to say I was his.
“Of course,” I replied with a shrug. “It’s just a few hours. What could go wrong?”
We were divorced eight weeks later.
I always wondered what would’ve happened if we had stayed in that night, or if I hadn’t let the words of my family and complete strangers get to me. I try to give myself grace because I was young, stupid, and scared of having my heart broken, but it’s not easy when I’m fully aware of everything I lost. His absence has been felt in so many ways over the years, especially when I’ve seen him in magazines and on gossip websites with other women. I wanted so badly to be in their shoes, loving him in front of the whole world the way he deserves. But I let him go. I was the one who sent the divorce papers and told him to move on. That’s exactly what he did, although I never thought about the fact that I’d have to witness it after he was drafted. That’s been the hardest part of all, and I dread the day that one of those girlfriends becomes a fiancée. A wife. The mother of his children. All the things I would’ve been if I hadn’t royally fucked us both.
I slowly drift off, memories of all the good times completely lost to the aching emptiness I’m feeling nowthat I’ve seen him in the flesh. I wait for the dreams of what could’ve been, but they never come. I can’t hide behind my delusions anymore, and now I have to face the fact that the Emmett Hayes who used to love me no longer exists.
SEVEN
EMMETT
“Are you okay?”Austin says as I sit across from where he lies on the large, plush sofa. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I school my expression, doing everything I can to stop my body from trembling with anger, because the last thing I want is for him to know that something is up. He’s recovering from a fairly serious surgery, and I’m here for him…not to relive all the pain of my past.
“Yeah,” I reply, swallowing thickly as I finally take him in. He looks fucking rough, but I guess that’s to be expected. He’s been through a lot since his injury, starting with the broken bones and collapsed lung he sustained on the field, the infection he battled shortly after, and now the repairs made to his rotator cuff. Not to mention the fact that he’s unable to play for God knows how long, which can’t be an easy pill to swallow. The poor guy deserves a break. “How are you feeling?”
He goes into the details, but I can’t focus on a fucking word he’s saying. Not with everything that just happened playing on repeat in my head. I honestly never thought I’dsee Stella again. Hell, the best part about cutting my parents off after my divorce was knowing I wouldn’t have to return to Tinsville again. She was pretty close with her mom and dad, even though they disapproved of us, so I assumed she spent summers at home while she was in school. I hated the Wilders for so long, sure that they probably pushed their daughter to follow through with tearing us apart. But now? They’re nonexistent to me.
Just like I wish she were.
I wish I could say that seeing Stella here today reopened old wounds that had healed and stirred up memories I had forgotten about—but that would be a bold-faced lie. The truth is that I’ve thought of her every goddamn day, whether I wanted to or not. I guess that’s the thing about someone being ingrained so deeply in your heart and soul. Once they’re there, it’s impossible to get them out. No matter who her driver’s license says she is, she’ll always be Stella Hayes to me…the only girl I’ve ever loved, and the one who fucked me up so badly that I’m sure there’ll never be another.
Flashbacks of my hands and mouth worshiping her body wash over me like warm rain, reminding me of the way I used to know every inch of her. We were each other’s first everything, fumbling teenagers after our junior prom, just wanting to show one another how we felt with actions instead of words. We learned together, our hearts overflowing with emotions we shouldn’t have even been able to comprehend at that age. But we were never like the other couples, which was why I was certain we’d make it.Until we didn’t.
It’s been years since she walked away, yet I felt the painof her goodbye as if it happened just yesterday when she opened that door. At first, I couldn’t even process it. She’s even more beautiful than I had imagined when I was young, envisioning the way we’d age together. She still has the same dark, tumbling curls, caramel-brown eyes, and pink, pouty lips. It took me a second to remember that she’s not the girl I married anymore, but as soon as I did, all the resentment and anger I’ve been harboring rose to the surface, and I just couldn’t stop the words from bursting out of my mouth. I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me. By the look on her face when I told her that I didn’t see her, that’s exactly what I did—and it sure as fuck didn’t make me feel any better.
“Now it’s just a game ofhurry up and waituntil I can start physical therapy.” Austin’s voice slashes through my thoughts, making me realize that I missed everything he just said. I do my best to bring my focus back to him as he continues, but it’s nearly impossible with all the emotions battling one another inside me. “My nurse says I’m healing well, so?—”
“Can I use your bathroom?” I blurt, cutting him off. It’s rude, but I feel like I’m fucking choking, and I need a minute to regroup. Maybe some cold water on my face will snap me back to reality so I can do what I came here for—check on my teammate and watch some football. I’m truly trying to be better this time around, and I want to build relationships with the rest of the Renegades, whether we’re currently sharing the field or not. Plus, Austin really doesn’t have anyone in Cleveland—except for Stella, apparently.
His brows shoot up. “Yeah, sure. It’s the third door onthe right, past the kitchen.” I give him a tight nod, shooting out of my seat and heading toward the restroom without another awkward word. My palms are damp with sweat, heat practically radiating off the skin of my neck, even though it’s only about forty-five degrees in Cleveland right now.
As soon as the door is shut behind me, my head drops forward, a slow, controlled exhale deflating my lungs. I close my eyes, taking a second to recall her flawless features one last time before shoving them away and moving toward the sink. I fill my hands with the freezing cold water, splashing it across my flushed face and sending a shock throughout my body. Leaning my palms onto the counter, I lift my gaze to the mirror, barely even recognizing the man who stares back at me.
“How did you let this happen?” I mumble under my breath, not really even sure what I’m referring to. I feel like I’ve lived a million fucking lives since the day I married Stella, each one of them gradually turning me into the broken, closed-off person I am right now. I wish I could go back and do it all over again, starting with the night she surprised me at school. What I thought would be an evening of letting go and having fun with my wife ended up being one of the last times we were in the same room together—at least until today. I still don’t know the full extent of what she heard at that party, but whatever it was, it put enough doubt in her head to end our marriage, despite my objections.
I somehow manage to push my raging thoughts aside, lifting my chin and returning to the living room. It’s a front, but one I intend to keep up because Austin deservesto have people around him right now. I don’t know him that well, but I want to, and that won’t happen if my mind is fixated on Stella every time I’m here. I know she’s currently living in his guesthouse, so the only way to the other side of this shitstorm is to go directly through it. If that means acting like we don’t know each other—like there wasn’t a time the world began and ended with us—so be it. This is our reality now.
“Sorry,” I say as I sit back down, looking up to where the halftime show comes to a close on the television. “I had my shit rocked a couple of times today. Everything hurts.” It’s not a complete lie. Ididget tackled pretty hard, but the pain I’m feeling has less to do with that and more to do with everything that’s happened in the last half hour.
Concern passes over his features as he attempts to sit up straight. Wincing slightly, he relaxes back into the cushions. “Is your head all right?” he asks. The league doesn’t mess around with concussions, and as the leader of our team, I get why my words would cause him alarm. So, I quickly ease his mind, reassuring him that I’m fine.
“Yeah. Sanderson is a weapon at safety. Fast, too. I might have an imprint of his helmet across my side, but I’ll be okay.” I shoot him a half-smile, which he returns before we focus on the game broadcast that’s now into its second half.
“Fuck, I miss it already,” he sighs. “I know I don’t have much time left, which makes it sting even more, you know?” I can’t imagine how he feels right now. The guy is laid up on his couch, watching helplessly as his team takes the field without him every week. Between his broken ribs,the nasty infection that kept him in the hospital much longer than he should’ve been, and now a severely damaged shoulder, who knows what the future looks like for him?
“It’s tough,” I reply. “But you’ll be back, better and stronger.” I want to tell him that he’s in the best hands with Stella. That she’s the smartest, most compassionate human I’ve ever known, but that would mean coming clean abouthowI know these things. And that’s not something I want to do—at least not yet. I’m here for him, not to trauma dump about how my wife left me before we even had a chance to experience married life for real.
“I don’t know,” he replies, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I’m certainly not getting any younger. I want a family someday, but what kind of husband and father will I be if they’re terrified that I won’t make it off the field every week?” He breathes in slowly, letting it out on a forced exhale. “Some things are bigger than football.”
His words hit me like a linebacker straight to the chest, becauseI fucking know. Even at eighteen, I was ready to leave it all behind to be with Stella, but she refused to let it happen. She was so worried that I’d resent her for being the reason I gave up on my dream, despite all my reassurances that she was the most important thing to me. I knew I could handle a life without football. Living without her, though?
I’m still not sure I’m actually surviving it.
I’ve been on autopilot for so much of the past seven years, finally feeling like maybe I could build something fresh here in Cleveland. I was determined to give it my all, not just with my job, but with everything. I’ve beenleaving my comfort zone by going out with the guys, in hopes that this would be the place where I’d finally be able to forget her and move on for good. I almost had it, too…at least until she opened that door today.
And now that I’ve seen her, I’m right back where I fucking started.
