Page 33 of Heartbreak Kings
But still, I needed to push Jude and all the rest of them out of my head and focus. Midterms. Four papers, one project, five standard exams, all in the next two and a half weeks. I had started prewriting for some papers, but every time I tried to get another few paragraphs out, I stared out the window instead. Thinking of them. Again.
Blake’s intensity, softening with affection.
Marcus’s humor and wit, tempered by warmth.
Daniel’s charm, improved by sincerity.
Nathaniel’s strange, detached brilliance, warmed by desire.
Jude’s smoking-hot body, made more attractive by his figuring out when to keep his damn mouth shut.
I couldn’t decide which, on that primal sexual level that made my thighs rub together when I stopped to think about it.
I liked Marcus the most. I was most impressed by Blake. Daniel knew how to make me blush with a bit of gentle teasing. Nathaniel’s air of mystery only made me want to know more about him. And Jude, well, I wanted to see just who he was behind that virtuoso asshole performance. Not to mention that I couldn’t get the way Jude moved out of my head.
Dating five guys…at the same time.
What the hell am I thinking, contemplating that kinky unconventional romantic scenario?
Deciding between them didn’t just feel natural. I didn’t want to choose.Was I poly? Or was I just greedy?
I needed to get my head back into school, not my lustful longing. It didn’t help that it was so damn cold. I had thought I’d left behind the worst of the cold when I had moved out of the Catskills. But when I observed the scene outside, I could see frost forming on the lawn, leaving it glistening in a way that promised slippery-ass ice in the morning. I would have to keep to the salted walkways.
I sighed and rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling. Mostly what I wanted right now was for people to stop demonstrating outside my dorm, to stop pestering me in class, to stop leaving nasty notes taped to my door. Blake had promised to keep people off me and he had, at least some, for the problem had lessened considerably. But it wasn’t gone.
Still, I had held off on publishing about that disastrous dinner, about Daniel’s approaching me after that, and about the Gentlemen’s involvement in this complete mess. The jury was still out on what they were planning for me, and I wanted more facts before I published anything.
I hadn’t even updated my vlog since that dinner. My readers would wonder what the hell was going on with me. But when I thought about what to say, I drew a blank. If I wasn’t talking about the Gentlemen, what did that leave me? The fall colors couldn’t be enjoyed properly in this cold, or with picketers and pranksters to worry about. I wasn’t past midterms yet, so I couldn’t report on them.
I checked my watch.Damn.I had gotten into the habit of taking a two-hour nap after supper if I had nothing going on, just to refresh my brain, but the cold outside and my general exhaustion had stretched it to three. Ten p.m.—too late to call Mama. I tried Billy instead.
“Hey, sweetie,” he said into the phone. “How’s my favorite reporter?”
“Fucking tired. How are you doing?” He sounded entirely too smug. I wasn’t surprised. At last check-in two days ago, he was on his third date with a fellow freshman. Fast work. I almost wanted to tell him about the five guys who were apparently interested in me—but the very thought made the words catch in my throat.
He’d warned me about them. About the fraternity. About dating anyone at this school. If I told him, or my mom, and then things got bad, I’d never live it down with them.
“Well, David is still wonderful. He took me out to dinner yesterday!” Billy sounded so excited that I cracked a smile.
“Good. He’d better keep treating you right, or I’ll have to come over and kick his ass.” I was only half kidding. Billy was still one of my anchors in this crazy place. And he was a decent soul who deserved to be happy.
“Oh, don’t you worry. If he does, you can get in line behind me. I’m not letting any more guys play with my heart.” He laughed and then sobered almost at once. “How about you? How are you holding up? I noticed you haven’t updated in days.”
“Yeah, it’s mostly just needing to study. That, and it being cold this early in the year, is sapping all my energy.” I stifled a genuine yawn. “I conked out for three hours after coming back from the dining hall.”
“Oh, I get it. Are you still being bothered by a bunch of jerks and perverts?” His voice had gone hushed, as if it worried him that someone might overhear.
“Some. I mean, that dick Mikey Carmody is still yelling outside my dorm building every damn morning and evening, but the crowd that comes to watch is under ten people now, and most of them do nothing.” I couldn’t tell how much of that was the Gentlemen’s interference, how much was discouragement from the cold, and how much was guys realizing that the world hadn’t ended just because a woman was attending classes with them.
I really freaking hoped for that third one. Because all this craziness over one person was kind of ridiculous, on top of the stress it had caused me.
“Maybe some of them have come to their senses,” Billy mused hopefully. “That would be refreshing.”
“Yeah, it would be. I don’t think the one guy is ever going to stop, though. He seems to be getting worse.” And that scared me way more than I wanted to admit to Billy. It was the same reason that my mom knew very little about this situation. I didn’t want her to lose sleep just because I had to.
“He hasn’t done anything violent to you?” Billy sounded fretful suddenly, and my heart sank. I hated ruining his mood.
“Man, if he had, it would be all over the net by now. I don’t mess around, you know that. Besides, I already gave the warning to his fraternity leaders that I was calling the cops on the next one of their boys who messed with me, and that includes pledges.” I sounded more confident on the phone than I felt.
