Page 50 of Rule 5: Never Crush on the Captain
“Do you think we could actually have a relationship?” The words tumble out, but Evan’s face remains placid, like he’s playing poker.
I suddenly wish he weren’t quite so good at that. Maybe we visit Vegas too often for our hockey games.
“I’m not going to stop speaking to you,” he says finally.
I tense, aware I did stop speaking to him. I did act like he was a helmet or hockey stick—something around, but not to have a conversation with.
“That’s not the kind of relationship I mean.”
His eyes slide to me. His eyes are wider now, his skin pinker.
He’s the kind of careful people get when they don’t want to hope too much.
At least, I hope that’s the kind of careful he is.
I hope he’s not wondering how he can tell me that things really are for the best if we don’t have much to do with each other. I hope the pinkening of his skin isn’t due to awkwardness and unease about how he will explain that he doesn’t want me in his room. I hope he’s not worrying about gossip or rogue paparazzi wandering the hotel floors or looking at camera feeds.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Evan
Vinnie is in my room. My heart swells and hammers. Whatever he’s here to say is taking him a while to get out. I already know that I’m going to be replaying each word he says over and over in my mind once he leaves.
I want to throw him out, to tell him not to bother my heart anymore, but that would be not seeing him when I could. That would still be more painful.
Vinnie is stammering something about relationships and thinking, and his eyes plead, like a certain type of anime.
I focus on my breathing, on acting nonchalant, even though it’s way too late to feign indifference.
Because the last time it was night and we were speaking, we were in each other’s arms. The last time we were in the presence of a bed, we were on it.
That time was much better than this.
“So, what do you think?” Vinnie asks finally.
“Um...” I blink. I try to act intelligent, but that never worked in school. “I lost you.”
“You don’t have to lose me,” he says, his voice more tender, his eyes soft like they were in my house.
Okay.I really don’t know what’s going on.
Because if he just wanted to come to my hotel room to say we should still be cool for the sake of the team and our careers, well, he could be gone already.
But the other possibility, that he is truly here, in my hotel room, telling me that he wants to go back to this weekend and have us be all the things I hoped in my dreams that we could be... Well, that’s probably not what he’s saying. So, I’m not going to hope.
Those were all the things I was imagining that we would be after I saw how well he fit into my life. How well he fit with Stella, how well he fit into my house, how well he fit into my arms.
Though, to be honest, that was more about me fitting into his arms. I didn’t think I wanted a dream man to hold me at night, but I guess there was a lot about myself I pushed away, focusing on hockey exercises and childcare manuals, and making sure Stella grows up to be everything she wants to be.
“Evan?” Vinnie asks finally, his voice rough and raw. “Do you think we can get back to where we were this weekend?”
My eyes widen. Because that certainly implies that he wants...more.
His smile turns sad. “Never mind. It’s okay, Evan.”
He turns, and something about the downward slope of his shoulders, the heaviness of his pace, makes me realize...
“You said relationship,” I blurt.
