Page 81 of Rule 2: Never Join a Christmas Dating Show
Then even though I was supposed to undress him, he ends up removing my pajamas. He hasn’t seen me undressed before, not really, and I tense.
Luke has only been with women.
Will he say, sorry, never mind, now? Will he realize what parts of my body are missing, what parts I have that he’s not experienced with?
My nerves pulse.
He runs a finger along my torso. “So beautiful. Beautiful Sebastian.”
He draws me toward him, and this time my bare torso touches his, my bare legs touch his. Our boxer briefs are still firmly on, and I wonder if that means the prospect of being with a man might still be unsettling for him. There are some questions I don’t want to ask, and luckily, when his lips capture my own, I don’t have to.
We kiss some more, and Luke tangles his hands in my hair.
“I want to see you,” Luke says.
“You can see me. I’m here. I’m yours.”
My lungs ache when I say this, and I hope he didn’t notice. This is probably a fling after all. Something he can tell his friends to show how openminded he is, as if they didn’t already know. Something he can confess to the woman he’ll eventually be with. Something maybe he can confess to the women he dates, the ones who will appear beside him in public, gazing adoringly at him, not needing to hide their affection for him, not needing to pretend they are completely indifferent to his charms.
“What happens next?” I ask.
“Whatever you want to happen.”
I sigh. “Well, we’ll have to stop seeing each other. Stop doing...this.”
He smiles, even though my heart is breaking, and I blink, confused. “What?”
He continues to smile, his eyes softening.
“You could pretend to be sad,” I say.
“You’re cute,” he says instead. “Adorable. Besides, I said what you wanted to happen would happen. Not what you think is proper. Not what you think our duty is.”
“Oh,” I breathe.
“I’m going to keep seeing you,” he says. “Because that’s what I want and that’s what you want.”
“If we get caught...”
“I know. I won’t let anyone hurt your career, baby.”
I frown. “It’s not my career at risk. It’s yours. And your...family.”
I don’t say the word Bryce. But he wouldn’t approve. He couldn’t ever approve.
I give a soft smile. “Have you read any romance novels?”
“I’m, um, more of a viewer.”
“That’s okay. But in romance novels they say sometimes you shouldn’t date your brother’s best friend. Because of, um, conflict. But I wasn’t your brother’s best friend. I was his...”
Bullee.
I was bullied by Bryce.
There’s no future where Luke and I can be anything besides a secret. There’s no future in which Bryce is not astonished and dismayed and horrified if he finds out about us.
Luke squeezes my hand, acknowledging all the things we won’t say because they are so powerful. The things we don’t need to say because even our thoughts about them are so strong.
