Page 60 of Rule 2: Never Join a Christmas Dating Show
“Nonsense.” Dmitri points at me. “But how are you Mr. Right? I am more handsome and I am not wooden!”
Troy and Noah exchange bashful glances.
“I would have loved to have seen you as Mr. Right,” I say. “You would have been amazing.”
“I know.” Dmitri gives a modest shrug, but his chest is totally more puffed out than it was. “I can give you tips.”
“Luke doesn’t need tips,” Troy says, but everyone knows his words are more grounded in loyalty than truth.
“Of course, he needs tips.” Dmitri holds up his phone. “Have you not read what people are saying about him?”
“They’re talking about me?” I shake my head.
I was obsessed withSeeking Mr. Rightbefore I joined. I would watch it all the time. I’m not actually surprised people are talking about me.
“What are they saying?” My chest tightens when I ask, but God, I’ve faced off scarier things than comments.
It doesn’t matter what people say.
I know it doesn’t matter.
But my lungs spurt breath in short bursts anyway.
“You are wooden Mr. Right. Nutcracker Mr. Right. Fitting for Christmas, do not you think?”
“Um...”
“They could call you worse things,” Dmitri says, nodding with such genuineness I absolutely believe him. “But I can teach you. You are bad flirt. Never good. Not like Dmitri.”
Finn shuts his eyes. “Do you have to speak about yourself in the third person, Dmitri?”
“Fine. But I still have no problem with women.”
“Luke doesn’t have a problem with women,” Noah says.
“He has huge problem! They speak to him for five minutes, then hook up with rookies. That’s why he is on the show, no? He can’t find love.”
Noah looks slightly ill. I wonder if he’ll ever tell Dmitri that he and Troy signed me up.
“But the women need to think you are interested in them. Instead, the trending hashtag with the show is “SELUKE.” He frowns. “What does that mean?”
“Wait! Seriously?” Troy lunges for Dmitri’s phone, but Dmitri lifts it high. “You have own phone.”
“Fine.” Troy scrambles on his phone, then his jaw drops, before he hastily rearranges his face into his customary jovial expression. “#SELUKE is a huge deal. You’re trending, dude.” He smirks. “Well, not just you.”
“I don’t get it,” I say. “What does SELUKE mean?”
“You get it,” Troy says, smiling at me.
“You’re being shipped,” Noah says.
“I don’t get it,” Finn says.
Noah whispers in Finn’s ear.
“Oh.” Finn’s eyes round. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you, dude.”
“What does SELUKE mean?” Dmitri asks.
