Page 75 of A Female Alpha for the Lycan Prince
“I’ve let everyone down, including my pack and my family.”
“Annie thinks you have your reasons,” Ari points out.
“And what do you think?” I want to know.
“That you don’t know what the fuck you are doing,” she shrugs. “I sometimes wonder how much you must hate yourself for lashing out at others as you do.” A pause. “Seems I agree with Luna Annalise. In a way, you must have your reasons, but I bet you don’t even understand them yourself.”
I stare at her, shocked at her honesty. “Are you excited to meet your mate one day?” I hear myself ask her. I can’t bring myself to react to her previous words. Also, it just struck me that Cyrus went silent again.
Liam is right. It’s my fault he’s hurt. In a way, I am continuously hurting myself.
“Excited for my mate?”
“Yes. You seem to love your freedom,” I shrug. “And you love being without any ties. So, I wondered, would you be happy to meet your mate?”
She raises her brows. “Hell yes,” she says. “I can’t wait to meet my mate.”
“You aren’t scared to give up your life?”
She laughs. “No, why would I? Besides, why would I be giving up my life? Mating is the same as any other relationship. It means compromising, but also gaining so much more out of it. Take Liam, for example. He waited for Annie to be ready before introducing her to his family and pack, and before marking her.”
“Wait… what?” My head snaps up to look at her. “He didn’t mark her instantly?”
Aryanna blinks. “You didn’t know?”
I shrug helplessly, realizing I never really asked or paid attention.
“They were seeing each other for around two months, or maybe more, before he marked her. And he did it because she wanted him to.”
Liam is a freaking lycan alpha, one of the most possessive wolves just because of his genes alone. Yet he waited for his mate to come around and be ready before marking her?
“Did it never occur to you that you could have asked Celine to give you some time?” Aryanna asks suddenly. “That you have issues you are battling with and need some time to sort them out? Did you never think it could have been a good idea to talk to her and share your doubts about having a mate? To maybe just get to know her? You know, communicate like an actual adult.”
“No,” I admit quietly.
Fuck, what did I do?
“Figured,” she says evenly.
Aryanna doesn’t say anymore, but she keeps sitting there right next to me. She opens her own can of beer, sipping from it. I rub my head between my hands, my thoughts swirling in all kinds of different directions. Maybe I should have told Celine everything… or Liam… or my parents. I feel like I lost my momentum when I could, and then day after day, month after month, year after year, it got more difficult to talk. I thought when I pushed everyone aside, and they would stop asking me what was wrong, then it would be easier for me. But it isn’t.
It doesn’t change what happened.
The past is still there, living on inside me and eating at my health, my sanity, and my ability to have any relationship.
I wish Cyrus would be here so that I could share my thoughts with him, but he isn’t, and it’s my fault that his presence is so weak. But even without him being here, I still know what he would have said: Was keeping it a secret really worth it?
Is it worth it to lose it all?
The Hybrid and the Witch
*CELINE*
ItoldLiamandElden about my planned trip to the coven. I don’t want backup, though, because I don’t think it would be a good idea to pop up at a coven with a group of warriors behind me. However, when Liam offered to send Beta Aryanna with me, I agreed. Having his beta around might ease some tension, especially since she knows her way around witches and can mingle well with all the other species.
Other than Aryanna, I’m only taking Marcel along. Garret and Elias are staying behind, and Harmony too. I told her what I’d found out from my grandfather, making her the only one who knows the whole story, except for my grandfather. I know she doesn’t like staying behind while I visit the coven on my own, but eventually, she understood my reasoning.
They won’t hurt me because, in a way, I’m one of them.
