Page 33 of Splintered Security
14
win the derby
Anni
“He knows,” I mumble into Ren’s skin for the third time. “He knows. And she’s in danger.”
He rubs soothing circles on my back as I sit in his lap on the bed. At some point he turned with his back to the headboard and pulled me into him, cradling me into his body. My head rests under his chin, and I speak into the wall of his chest in a whisper, “She’s not okay, and he’s coming for me.”
“Shhh, baby.”
I’m all cried out. After yesterday, I have no more left. Hell, who am I kidding? It’s been days, weeks, months, even years since August, and the tears constantly overflow. I’m not weak, but somehow emotion leaves me through my eyes. Anger, sadness, frustration, weariness—those things I can’t put into words—they all seem to manifest via my tear ducts. I may not have any at this moment, but there will always be more. They’re a clear language I’m never able to mute.
Between being enveloped in his strong arms, his hand rubbing circles, and the warmth of my eyelids, I can feel thelull and pull back to sleep. I’m not tired, but I am weary, and quite frankly, I want to avoid the thoughts that plague me when I’m awake. Thoughts of my safety versus my mom’s. Thoughts of the happiness my life could’ve been versus a marriage of convenience simply to avoid the marriage of inconvenience thrust on me.
I shiver, considering what a marriage to Heath would look like. Almost instinctively, I burrow into Ren even deeper, trying to find safety in his broad, muscular chest.
His arms tighten reflexively. “You’re safe, Sunshine. You’re safe. He will never touch you.”
My head rubbing against his chin in a nod is my only response.
“Tell me you know you’re safe.”
I want to shrug but I’m so tightly sheltered within his arms, I can’t. Instead of feeling trapped, I feel safe and secure.
“I know you’ll protect me and do everything you can to keep me safe.”
“You’re right, but that’s not what I asked. Tell me you know you are safe.” He emphasizes the last three words. At the same time, he loosens his top arm and dips his chin to my face as much as the headboard allows. “You are safe, and I want to hear you say it.”
I hold his eyes and nod, but his hand at my hip goes firm.
“This is me being gentle with you like you asked.” His eyes bore into mine. “I need the words.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to know that you get it. I need you to know in your bones that I will not let him touch you. And not the do-what-I-can-and-hope-it’s-enough, but doeverything. I need the words because you don’t use your voice enough and I want you to think it, know it, hear it, and declare it.”
“That’s a little hokey and a lot intense.”
“Humor me.”
“You will keep me safe.” My eyes hold his, and the intimacy of the moment is palpable. “And I am safe. You will make me that way.”
His body softens, and I hate it but I go on, my voice soft to the point it’s weak. “But my mom is not. He’s going after her.”
“Baby, you’re missing it. I know she’s important to you. I’ll make sure you’re not losing your mom to gain your freedom. I’ll protect her too.”
“How?”
“For a woman who hates confrontation, you sure you want to know?”
Good question. “Sort of. I can’t figure out the logistics of it all. I wish I knew for certain that she would be okay.”
“I vow it.”
That’s enough for me. And, I guess he knows it, because his eyes on me shine with some understanding.
He kisses my forehead. “You’ve stopped shivering. Are you good?”
