Page 255 of Mangled Memory
28
getting zero
Christian
“I know why I risked what I did in the fall. No matter how dicey the climb, no matter the hour.”
Of course, she does. Her dreamy voice is mirrored only in the look on her face. My wife, mesmerized by what most take for granted, entirely enchanted by the view.
I step behind her and gingerly wrap my arms around her waist. “Yeah?”
“I mean”—she throws her arms out wide—“how could anyone not?”
I clear my throat. “Because, my love.” I pause, my words tentative. “You’re seeing it again for the first time?”
“Well…” She never finishes the statement. She just stands in the circle of my arms, melting into my chest, breathing as if she can imprint the image on her soul with just one more breath.
I want to be mad. Hell, I am mad. I’m terrified and concerned and always on edge waiting for the next thing, the next moment. When something else disappears or it all comes flooding back. Mostly, I hate that she was here, hate that she still justifies this, no matter that she’s the most talented person I know and I want, more than my next breath, for every dream of hers to come true.
“You know, I can’t think of a better place to tell you this. But you’re incredible. Your talent, your gift, the success you’ve made off years of hard work. Early mornings, late nights, heavy loads.The danger—” She stiffens and I squeeze her, hoping she’ll listen. “The danger I hate. It’s unsafe and it terrifies me. But your gift is something that has a life of its own. I’d sooner crush my own arm than dial back your dreams. You deserve every accolade. I’m so proud of you. So proud to call you my wife.”
She takes a huge inhale and holds it before letting it go. “Thank you for not putting me in a cage. I’d wither if you constrained me.”
“No disrespect, wife, but you’re not someone who can be constrained. And I don’t want to cage you. I just want you safe as you trek these trails. I know you’re mad about Fitz, but, baby, he’s for your protection, and for my sanity.”
“I’m not mad about Fitz. Well, not anymore. I wish you’d talked to me about it, though.”
“Would you have agreed?”
“Nope.”
I can’t help the laughter as my chest moves against her back. I dip toward her ear. “I’m in love with you, Ayla Barone. Your talent, your heart, your spirit, even your obstinance.”
She sucks in a deep breath before turning in the circle of my arms. Her eyes bore into mine as she lifts onto her toes and presses her lips to mine. I slant my head and take her mouth, taking control of the kiss, pulling her into my body.
When she pulls away, her eyes are dreamy, my second favorite look on her. She glances toward the ledge and asks, her voice so quiet I have to strain to hear, “Where was I?”
Ice pools in my veins. I slide a hand down her arm and lace our fingers together, walking to the area where her equipment was and where her broken body was found.
“There was a tripod here.” I mark an X on the ground. “There was another here and about here.” I dig the heel of my boot into the soil and leaves to mark two additional spots. “These two went over with you if the tripod leg skids in the dirt weren’t tampered with.”
She stares at the spot and then squats to eye level with where her viewfinder would’ve been. She grimaces. “Why here? Theshot would’ve been better over here.” She moves three feet to her right. I reach instinctively, and her eyes search my face.
“Back away a little for me?”
She looks over the ridge before her face morphs into the defiant one I know as well as my own. “I’m not prone to falls and, statistically, the chances are so unlikely.”
“Statistically, I’m trying not to lose my shit with you dangerously near where I almost lost you, so please, please, do it for me if you won’t do it for you.”
She makes a face but manages to move two steps away from the ridge, though she can’t help but announce her acquiescence with a gesture that sayslook, I moved. Are you happy now? When the relieved look on my face registers with her, she extends an olive branch. “So cameras were there, there, and there.” She points to the three marks on the ground, before gazing toward the sun breaking toward the west, and continuing quietly, “And where was I?”
I suck in breath, closing my eyes, and swallowing back the rising bile. I lift a finger for her to stay and walk to the edge of the ridgeline, holding my phone over the line and snapping a picture.
“I’m going to want to look.” Her hands rest on her hips though, somehow, she avoids tapping her toe.
“I know, Princess. I wanted to show you here instead of me trying to describe it with you that near the ledge.” I zoom in on the image, hovering my finger near the rock outcropping too far to the left from where her cameras are, now that I actually look at it. Hold up. “What the?—”
“What?”
