Page 19 of Boundless Love
The damage had been done, though I didn’t hold it against him.“Don’t worry.I won’t give you a bad online review,” I murmured.Some of the strain written across his face eased, but not all of it.He stepped out of the room, closing the door, leaving me alone with my father for the first time in decades.
There was something close to physical relief when I was able to turn to him and let the mask drop.It was just the two of us now.Nobody to play nice in front of.“What the hell is this?You pick now, of all times?Tonight?That press release went out weeks ago.”
At least I knew my memories of him as a pitiful joke were clear and true.He seemed to shrink in front of me, cowering a little, but then I doubted I looked or sounded friendly.“I have been fighting with myself ever since I saw the article,” he explained in a small voice full of shame.“I told myself I shouldn’t.I knew you wouldn’t want to see me.”
All his weak, almost sniveling response did was fan the flames of my outrage.“Then, for God’s sake, why?”
He wore the expression of a man waking up from a long sleep, wondering how he ended up where he was.Did he expect me to throw my arms open and let him weep on my shoulder?
“This was a mistake,” he decided as his gaze dropped to the floor.“I’ll go now so you can get back to your dinner.”
Something inside me snapped, compelling me to block the door.“No.You don’t get to run away again.You showed up here, you disrupted everything, and I’ll be damned if I let you walk out now without at least explaining yourself.What do you want from me?Money?Don’t tell me you weren’t intrigued when you found out I’m part-owner of this hotel.I bet you did plenty of research on me after that, didn’t you?”
“You’ve got the wrong idea.”He shook his head hard.“I don’t want anything from you.I only wanted you to know I’m still thinking about you.I still love you, son.”
“Love?”ThatI had to laugh at.“What do you know about it?You only ever loved yourself.”
“I hated myself.”There was no emotion behind it.His voice was flat, matter of fact.
“Well, that makes two of us then.You know what love is?”I countered, my anger rising along with my blood pressure.“It’s Mom working two jobs to make sure I got a good education and lived in a nice house where I could be safe and thrive.Love is the way I take care of her now, though I know I could never pay her back.Love is not letting your addiction destroy your family’s chance at a future.And then what did you do?You ran.You never said goodbye.You could have been dead all this time for all I knew.”
Through all of it, he remained still, silent.Absorbing my words without reacting, without offering anything of his own.Not that I wanted to hear any of it, but the part of me who remembered how it felt to wake up one morning in a suddenly single-parent household needed him to care enough to say something.
“I have no excuse.”His thin shoulders rose, then fell in a shaky breath.“I was deep in my illness.I told myself it was better if you were without me because no matter how I tried, I couldn’t beat it.I kept betraying you and your mother.”
“I thought you said you have no excuse,” I reminded him with a smirk.
“It’s not an excuse,” he snapped, nearly shrinking back again like he forgot himself for a second.“It’s the truth.I only wanted to explain.”
“Congratulations.You’ve explained.And now you can go because I have waited too long for this day to let you ruin it for my fiancée.”Or for myself, but it was Lenny who mattered now.I had stopped caring a long time ago, I realized, something I’d only suspected before now.There was nothing left in my heart for him.Not even hate.
“I’m proud of you.”His features pinched in pain, but he held my gaze, unflinching.“I needed you to know that.For coming as far as you have, for finding a nice girl, for taking care of your mom in a way I never could.You’ve done a good job.”
How dare he?He had no right.
I hadn’t asked.
I didn’t care.
And yet.
“Thank you,” I replied.His brows lifted a fraction like he was surprised.That would make two of us.Thanking him was the last thing on my mind.“I appreciate it.I’ve done what I can.”
There was so much more.Questions, accusations, but none of them mattered.Nothing would change.From the look of him, life had not been kind in the years since he last said good night to me before I went to bed in my closet of a bedroom.That little boy would still wake up in the morning and wonder where his father went or when he would come back.Eventually, he’d wonder why.And how it was possible to walk away without saying goodbye or ever checking in.
Those days were long past.Tonight, tomorrow, they were about the future—my future with Lenny.I wouldn’t linger in the past another minute.He’d gotten his closure, and I’d made sure he knew what he’d left behind.
When he held out his hand, the only thing I could do was grip it tight.“Congratulations on your wedding,” he added.I murmured my thanks and stepped aside so he could go.There was nothing else.He didn’t ask for anything, not even an invitation.Could I believe he only wanted to see me?
There was too much swirling in my head to let me leave the room right away, pressure in my chest making it a challenge to breathe.Sudden shock would do that, but I’d get over it.Nothing had changed.I had never carried around the desire to see him one more time and bitch him out, not even when I was a teenager who would gladly have pissed on his grave if I’d found out he died.
Lenny had asked me about it more than once back in high school if I wanted to look for him at any point.I felt back then the way I felt as I processed what had just taken place.I didn’t need him.
Only a moment passed before a soft tap sounded from the other side of the door.“It’s me,” Lenny murmured.“Can I come in?I couldn’t wait back there.”
“Sure.”I lowered myself onto a leather sofa to the side of the door, resting my elbows on my knees and propping my head in my hands.
“Oh, Dante.”Lenny sat next to me, putting an arm around my back, her chin on my shoulder.“What do you need?What can I do?”
