Page 11 of Boundless Love
“You insist on ruining a good surprise, you know that?”She turned her head to face me and rolled her eyes.“Honestly, a girl can’t even buy some cute lingerie without you asking about it.I was going to do a whole fashion show for you later on tonight.”
“Why wait until tonight?”I asked since the idea of seeing her in any kind of lingerie, new or otherwise, was enough to make me forget everything I thought was important a few minutes ago.She had that effect on me.
“No,” she decided, looking at the ceiling again.The firm set of her jaw told me she meant business.“Later on.After dinner.So the whole time we’re out, just the two of us, you can try to imagine what I’m wearing under my dress.”
“Oh, I like this idea,” A flush touched the apples of her cheeks, egging me on.“Describe it for me.”
“I’m starting to worry this is going to be a letdown,” she confessed.“I might have oversold it.”
“Sweetheart, let’s get one thing straight.If there’s one thing you could never do, it’s let me down.”God, she was beautiful, with her shiny brown hair fanned out across the silk duvet.The deep blue hue of the silk almost matched her eyes.I was suddenly filled with the most inexplicable yearning to hold onto the moment, to freeze her like this—both of us completely happy in our own world.
That couldn’t last forever.“I should give Mom a call,” she decided.“I don’t want her thinking we ran off and don’t care.”
“Oh, she’s taking the girls for a walk right now.I got off the phone with Sofia just before you came back.”I filled her in on the highlights, leaving her to click her tongue and shake her head lovingly at Sofia’s concerns.
“What are we going to do with her?”she asked with a sigh.“She is much too smart for her own good.”
“I don’t know.You’ve already done a great job with her so far.I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“It’s not all because of me,” she murmured, sounding thoughtful.“They do a great job with her at school, and you did a great job with her before I ever came along.”
“She’s thriving thanks to you.”And she would need Penny more than ever if my Portugal deal went through.As of now, it was nothing more than a possibility, nowhere near the preliminary planning stages.But when I found a good thing, I knew it.Just like I knew Penny was the one.
“I only wonder…” She shook her head before she could finish voicing her thought.“Never mind.I guess all moms wonder if they’re doing a good enough job.And I wonder, if things in our lives ever changed, would they turn out as well as they are now?Or would it hurt them somehow?”
Did she know?No, she couldn’t.It wasn’t exactly like I was trying to hide the Portugal deal from her.There was no deal to hide.But I also hadn’t mentioned the idea, telling myself to let it go until I knew I wanted to pursue it.Why bother getting her involved if I never went past the idea phase?
“What’s on your mind?”I asked.
“I don’t know.I guess I’m just missing my girls.This is the first time I’ve been away from them.”Of course, I knew that.I didn’t want to mention it since I didn’t want to stress her out more than I knew she already was.I told myself if she wanted to talk about it, I’d be here for her.
And I was, rolling onto my side and offering a sympathetic smile as I brushed strands of hair away from her forehead.“Talk to me, sweetheart.”
“I miss them,” she whispered.“Every morning of Olive’s life, I’ve kissed both her cheeks when she wakes up, even when she was wailing and fussy.What if she woke up this morning and wondered why I wasn’t there to kiss her?”Tears rolled down her cheeks when she closed her eyes, and my heart damn near tore its way out of my chest.
She was in my arms in an instant.“I’m sorry,” she mumbled against my chest as I gently rocked her.Already, her tears had begun to soak through my polo.
“You never have to apologize for loving our kids.You know that, right?”I pulled back a little, looking down at her tear-stained face.“I would never hold it against you, even if it makes you cry every now and then.”
“I love you for being such an amazing father,” she whispered, touching her hand to my cheek.“I know I don’t really have anything to be upset about.I just miss them.That’s all.”
Why did I feel like there was more to it?Maybe because she was a terrible liar.The woman had been born with an honest streak a mile wide and fathoms deep.That frank, unvarnished innocence was one of the things that first irked the fuck out of me, but over time had endeared her to me more than just about anything else.
“If it would make you happier, we could leave right after the wedding,” I suggested.“One of the perks of having a jet, right?We could be home before they wake up Sunday morning.”The thought of Sofia’s surprised reaction made the idea more appealing.
“That’s very tempting,” she admitted with the beginnings of a smile.“Let me think about it.I do want us to have a little grown-up time together too.”
So did I, considering how absent I would be when things heated up with work.Was I honestly thinking of Portugal as more of a done deal than it was at this point?It seemed that way.I couldn’t get it out of my head, and it didn’t hurt to have an excuse to expose my daughters to different cultures, something more exotic than New Yorkers.Though they could, at times, be pretty wild.
“What are you grinning about?”she asked, stirring me out of my reverie.
“Was I?Do I have any reason not to?”Evasive?Yes, but now didn’t seem like the right time to confess my idea.Not when she was so heartsore.
Soon.Maybe before we went home.We could work out any complications that arose from it.We always did, after all.“I hope you always know I am genuinely aware of how special you are,” I whispered, staring deep into her eyes, relishing being close to her like this.Was there ever a time I couldn’t enjoy this simple pleasure?I could hardly remember or barely recognize memories from my own past if they didn’t involve her.
“What brought that on?”she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.
“Oh, it’s just something I think about every single day.How lost I would be if it wasn’t for you.How much the girls and I depend on you every day.None of it would work without you.Our lives would be lost.Our daughters adore you, and so do I.That needs to be celebrated, don’t you think?”
