Page 28 of Saving Her Heart
"So," I say after we order—French toast for me, omelet for him, and yes, extra bacon that I will not be sharing. "What did you want to talk about?"
He fidgets with his coffee cup, and suddenly he looks eighteen again, nervous and uncertain. "About why I left."
"You got into the academy. You went to school in Dallas. It’s your dream job. End of story."
"That's not the entire story."
"Jax—"
"My dad was dying."
The words land between us like a bomb. I set down my coffee cup carefully, afraid I might drop it.
"What?"
"Pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed right before graduation. The doctors gave him six months, maybe less." Hestares out the window at the boats. "He'd been a cop his whole life. All he wanted was to see me follow in his footsteps."
"You never said?—"
"He made me promise not to. You know how proud he was. Didn't want anyone's pity." Jax's jaw tightens. "He said if I didn't take the academy spot, if I stayed here for you, he'd die knowing he'd failed as a father."
My throat closes up. "Jax..."
"I should have told you, anyway. Should have trusted you to understand. But I was eighteen and scared and my dad was dying, and I thought—" He breaks off, finally meeting my eyes. "I thought I could have both. Do the academy, make him proud, then come back to you."
"But you didn't come back."
"No. I didn't." He pushes his eggs around his plate. "By the time he died, eight months later, you'd already moved on. I heard you dated that guy from the bank."
"Rebound," I admit. "Lasted two weeks."
"Yeah, well. I didn't know that. And then I threw myself into the job, trying to justify the choice I'd made. Kept telling myself it was for the best. You deserved better than someone who'd leave when things got hard."
Our food arrives, but neither of us moves to eat.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "For all of it. For not trusting you with the truth. For leaving. For staying away for so long. It was the biggest mistake of my life."
I cut into my French toast, needing something to do with my hands. "I have three rules."
"Rules?"
"For my life. For protecting myself." I take a bite, barely tasting it. "Rule one. Never let emotion override logic. Rule two. Control what you can, accept what you can't. Rule three?—"
"Never trust someone who's already proven they'll leave," he finishes.
I look up, startled.
"You said it the other day, when you thought I wasn't listening," he explains. "That third rule is about me, isn't it?"
"Not everything is about you, Jax."
"But that rule is."
I don't answer, which is answer enough.
"I get it," he says. "I broke your trust. Proved I'd choose something else over you. Why would you risk that again?"
"Why would I?" I agree.
