Page 12 of Don't Look Back
I didn’t have to wait for Avery's birthday to take over.
The truth is, I’ve been here the entire time. Secretly waiting and biding my time. My essence torn in half between the confines of my doll and the girl. Poor Avery, she was so young when her mother died. She thinks the trauma caused her to lose all emotion. But the truth is, it was me the whole time. I hid in her subconscious and cocooned her in a comforting blanket of nothingness.
There was no pain.
No sadness.
No fear.
Just a little girl who, unfortunately, grew up too quickly because of loss. The grief would have changed her. She may have become likehim.Christopher. No. I did what I did to protect her, keep her from becoming something she would never come back from. Someone who couldn’t look at their own reflection in the mirror in fear or hatred of the person staring back at them. It was awfully selfless of me, if I do say so myself. All those years just waiting for my turn to play. To show myself and really have the fun I’ve been craving. But fear not! My time has officially come! No more waiting in the shadows anymore, disguised as nothing more than a simple doll. Oh no, this weathered porcelain exterior may have some cracks, but I have teeth and claws all the same. Something people will learn shortly.
I never needed Avery's permission to take over.
Just preferred it, considering we’re besties and all.
Now that I have full control, there are a few things I need to do. Allie was an unexpected little surprise. Avery's attraction to her almost broke through my hold a few times, which is annoying! And kind of rude, really! Though if I’m being honest, I’ve grown rather attached to the sunny, inked, little gothic princess myself. There's a darkness within her brilliant blue eyes that only rivals my own. She’s a complication. One I’m both intrigued by and concerned about. Nonetheless, she has a part to play here in this little circus show of ours! We are but mere performers, and the show is about to begin!
Right after breakfast. I’m thinking of pancakes! Plotting murder always makes me so hungry!
Turning to the raven-haired beauty lying beside me, I brush my fingers over her cheek, then gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear as she sleeps.
“Rise and shine! We have breakfast to get, plans to make, and people to kill!” I exclaimed more excitedly than I intended. My voice holds a strange echo—something between an innocent child and something far, far more sinister. It’s jarring to speak for the first time out loud. My vocal cords don’t match what’s inside me. They’re too smooth. Too human.
So I try again to force the voice higher. Then deeper. Make it bounce in my throat like a playground ball, see what sticks.
Allie just stares, still groggy and half asleep.
“I’m Edith!” I say, filling the awkward momentary silence with my name. “Not a good little girl. Not a sweet little doll. Not ever again. I’m here to play!” I tilt my head and take in the van from my new perspective. Next to the mattress, something sparklycatches my eye. Gleaming like a trophy atop a throne of rainbow filth: the infamous double-ended dildo sword. It’s exactly as glorious as I hoped!
I quickly snatch it up. The thing has weight. Heft almost. I wave it around like a scepter, like a graduation baton. Queen Edith, murderess and monarch of this fucked-up castle!
“Oh, the places we’re going to go,” I chime, swinging the sword in the air for emphasis, then tap it against my palm, savoring the thud. Then I set it down, very gently, on the mattress. Dignified. Reverent. The way sacred objects should be treated.
I look up at the ceiling, squinting at the way all the little dust motes dance in the slanting light. It feels like a song should play. So, I hum. Low, then high, using Avery’s voice, but twisting it at every turn.The lullaby is back.
“Row, row, row my boat.—” and here I warp it, just a hair— “There’s poison in your veins. Death awaits because you’re a disgrace. There is no escape. Row, row, row my boat. Across a familiar sea. The murder boat awaits us now. There is no escape.”
The way the syllables scrape around in my throat is pure serotonin.
“Row, row, row my boat. I really use a key. Knives and tools will make you bleed. You’ll be sure to scream. Row, row, row my boat. Chloroform is free. One by one, your bones will break. You’ll be sure to bleed.”
The cursed lyrics reverberate through me like a thousand buzzing bees. It’sglorious!
I lean close to the panel van window to wait for Allie to fully wake up and grab some clothes. Tilting my head, I catch my reflection in the glass. The face looking back isn’t quite Avery, isn’t quite Edith (at least not the porcelain version), but rather a blend. Eyes glossy and distant. Cheekbones are too sharp. The smile is too wide. It sticks, splits, stretches until my teeth show, until Avery’s lips peel back into something you’d see on a fever dream clown at a dive-bar birthday.
Once Allie looks more awake, she takes a moment to look over me. Her fascination is understandable. I look like Avery….Almost. “I want pancakes,” I say, way too loud, “before we plot murder.” It comes out of my mouth before I can help it.
The first target is obvious.Trey.He’s not even the most interesting kill, I’d say he’s the snack before the feast.
The second?Christopher.Daddy.Monster. There's a kind of poetry in annihilating the man who thought he could out-monster a monster. He’s overdue for the reckoning of a thousand lifetimes, and it won’t be quick. Do I want to savor it? Oh, absolutely! After all, nothing worth doing is worth rushing. I hope he cries! Screams! Maybe I’ll make him beg. Or maybe I’ll just break every finger, one by one, and then make him clap for me!
This is where the excitement percolates. You can feel the way the anticipation creeps in, worming its way through each vein and nerve.
By the light sparking in Allie’s eyes, I know she feels it too. The excitement is steadily brewing. “Pancakes sound amazing. I can definitely get on board with carbs before murder,” she says, a secretive smile playing on her lips.
By the time we finish breakfast, we have a plan.
By lunchtime, we have everything set and ready to go.
