Page 7 of Don't Look Back
Her friends — our friends —did that to her.
I had left the cheer squad weeks before to join the row team. You know water has always been where my heart truly lies. Savannah was one of the only girls I really kept in touch with from the cheer squad. It was not until several weeks later that I heard one of the girls bragging about what happened in the school bathrooms. That was when I confronted Savannah about it. That was not even the end of hersuffering. However, the rest is for her to tell. I should have done more to help her.
I didn’t then, but I am now.
Do you remember your doll from when you were a baby? She’s special, just like you are, Avery. When each of the people involved with what was done to Savannah received a doll of their own, she made them special for each child, and I delivered them.
Each doll was infused with a lullaby. When you all turn eighteen, that lullaby becomes corrupted and begins to possess you. Do not fear, my sweet girl. You and your doll are special because you’ll know what’s happening, whereas the others won't see until it’s too late.
Your doll's name is Edith, and the lullaby was ‘Row, row, row your boat’. Though I’m sure it’s changing. Unless…unless it already has.
Let her in, Avery. Let her work.
Edith will guide you and help you achieve what needs to be done before you reunite with the others back at Savannah's mansion. If you need her before that, feel free to reach out.
She’s your godmother after all.
I know this is a lot to take in at once, and I'm truly sorry for missing so much of your life. You were the brightest ray of light, always shining through my grey skies.
Please know I’m always with you. I will love you forever, my sweet Avery.
— Mom
My jaw is slack, and hot, wet tears streak down my face. When did I start crying? I haven’t cried since…since I found my mom's body. Everything slams into me at once. Memories, emotions, it all hits me in the chest like a truck, and suddenly the room feels as though all the oxygen has been sucked out. After not feeling anything for so long, feeling everything like this is too much. I grapple internally, trying to find that once familiar off switch. The same one I used as a child, to make everything stop once more. Only there's nothing there. No switch to turn off. No emptiness to wrap myself in. Just blinding, fiery emotions, making me feel things for the first time in years.
I hate it.
For a moment, I hate absolutely everyone and everything, and take a moment to list them all out in my head.
The cheer squad and football team for what they did to Savannah.
My dad for being an all-around shit person and the role he played in what happened that night…not to mention what he’s done to me over the years and my mom's death (which I am still certain he caused somehow)..
The dolls for what they’re doing to the students now -- who had absolutely nothing to do with any of this.
My mom for dying and leaving me alone to grow up alone with that monster instead of with her.
Myself for being so weak and unable to block things out the way I used to.
