Page 6 of Don't Look Back
Allie was there.
Sensing her watching me from the woods was merely an unexpected benefit. Something about Allie calls to me. Reaches out, somehow always finding a way to pull us together. When she’s nearby, there are times when I swear I can actually feel things. I don’t understand it just yet, these feelings. Or how she invokes them. But I swear, I will unravel every last delicious secret she has. I let her linger in the woods for a while. Thinking she was hidden so well behind a tree. But next time…. Next time, I’ll make herrun.
My insides begin to feel heavy, and my mind starts to feel fuzzy. I know I'm losing the battle, slipping away. I’m sorry, my AllieCat, I tried to hold on. But he's never beaten me quite this badly. I really think he meant to kill me this time…. And he may have succeeded. At least I’ll be with my mom soon.
The lullaby she used to sing to me hums in my delirium. I can almost hear her singing to me. “Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream.” The verse continues, playing over and over again in my mind until the ache in my bones starts to recede and the light reenters my eyes.
Blinking, I reach up to rub my face, surprised when no pain follows. My confusion continues when I take in the sight before me. Allie is sitting next to me. In my room. With my old doll?
7
AVERY
Before I can so much as ask one of the many questions forming in my mind, delicate hands flit across my skin, checking every inch of my body in a frantic attempt to make sure I’m indeed alright. When Allie feels that her examination is complete and to her satisfaction, she does the most unexpected thing – she kisses me. It's gentle but needy. My little AllieCat runs her hands through my hair, pulling me closer as she deepens the kiss. It's as though she needs a lifeline. A way to reassure herself, and me, that everything is okay. So, I kiss her right back, giving her everything she needs and then some. Her lips are softer than I ever could’ve imagined, and she tastes like that cotton candy bubble gum she loves to chew. For so long, I craved a taste of her. Now I greedily licked at her lips, devouring her. Savoring every moment and sigh. The feel of her tongue running along my bottom lip just before biting down.
All too fast, my little AllieCat pulls away……and slaps me right across my face so hard I can feel the heat of her handprint. It’s hot as shit. Oh, my kitten has claws. The lingering heat on my skin makes its way down to my core. Part of me wants her to do it again….the other begs to retaliate. That is, until I see the emotion in her eyes. Fear, sadness, and anger all warring for a place. I never want her to truly feel those things about me. Sure, I want to hurt her… but not like this. Never like this.
“Don’t. You. Ever. Do. That. To. Me. Again. Not ever Avery,” she grits out. “I thought you were about to die right in front of me….and I can't…I…” Her voice breaks toward the end, so I scoot closer and wrap my arms around her, pulling her close. Using a firm hold around her waist, I try to ground her. With my little AllieCats history, I can only imagine the memories seeing me like that would have brought to the surface. I was nearly beaten to death, struggling to breathe as my life force slipped slowly out of my grasp. If I had been smarter or more lucid, I would have called her for help and notified her sooner. Maybe have a plan before coming back home so foolishly.
“I’m sorry, AlliCat, I didn’t mean to scare you.” I do need to ask, though…”How am I so okay?”
Allie sighs. “Read the goddamn letter from your mom already. Then everything will make a lot more sense when we explain.”
“We?”
“The letter, Avery. Letter first”
She hands me the letter from my deceased mother that I've kept nearby in my bag. I couldn’t bring myself to actually open it, afraid of what it might say, but it was the last connection to my mom. I also haven't been able to part with it or leave it too faraway. My mom's beautiful, scrolling script greets me in worn, elegant ink. She was always so artistic; even her writing looked as though it should be in a museum somewhere. Upon opening it, two small keys fall out. One looks like a house key, and the other a boat key. I collect them and gently place them next to me on the floor where I'm still sitting, before gently unfolding the letter and begin to read.
My Dearest Daughter Avery,
Happy birthday, sweet girl! I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there to see the amazing woman you’ve become. While I have many regrets in this life, never getting to watch you grow up will always be the biggest.
The days we spent baking together, singing and dancing along to our favorite music, as the kitchen became covered in flour, will forever be some of our best memories. There would be baked goods for days, sometimes even weeks! And we would always sneak a little pastry treat in right before bedtime.
Or all the time we spent at the lake. I wonder, do you still love the water the way you used to? You always said my eyes, with all the greens and blues, reminded you of the ocean waves. For me, it was your soul that reflected the water, not just in clarity and color but in strength and force.
You’re strong, Avery. So much stronger than I ever was. You’ll need to harness all those happy memories and your strength for what comes next. Keep them close to pull upon, my sweet girl.
By now, I’m sure you have realized a few things, as the Dollmakers' plan has already begun. To start with, your father is not a good man…Though I do hope he was at least a little kinder to you than me. I didn’t discover who, or what, he truly was until after we got married. He’s a monster, Avery, and you must be very careful not to end up like I have. Or like Savannah. Which I will get to shortly.
The two keys in the envelope must be kept with you at all times. You can’t risk your father finding them under any circumstances.
One is a house key, but not a regular house key. There’s a secret hidden room in the house. It is only accessible from the outside with that key, but once inside, you can get anywhere in the house. It’s how Savannah and I have been communicating, and how she got in to deliver this letter to you on your eighteenth birthday.
The second key is a boat key. Do you remember my boat, sweet girl? You always loved going to the harbor and learning to sail on the StellaLynn. It was a wedding present from your father. While you will need it for what comes next… I want you to sink it when all is said and done. You'll know when the time is right. But I want you to send that boat right to the depths so it can sink to the very bottom and drown like this entire town should.
By now, I’m sure you have noticed some of your classmates acting a bit…. Peculiar. Perhaps some violent or unexplained events have been happening? Everything is connected, my sweet girl.
Remember how I said earlier that I had a lot of regrets in this lifetime? One of the biggest was not being there for a dear friend of mine when she needed me.
Something horrific happened to her…and I did nothing. She had asked me to remain quiet, so I did, not wanting to break her trust. Though I realized now that was a mistake. I should have checked in with her more, looked into things. Done…. something. Anything, except stay silent while she was in pain. I’m truly sorry and hope you don't see me as a monster. Much the way I see myself.
You see, one night, after an event, Savannah was invited to a party where everyone on thefootball team and cheer squad was going to. So, she and her boyfriend at the time, Jeremy, went. Only there was no party. It was a trap. A group of people was gathered at the old railroad tracks. Jeremy thought that Savannah was being unfaithful and wanted to teach her a lesson. By the time she realized something was wrong, it was too late.
This was Jeremy's sick version of a punishment.
Savannah was jumped. Her and her stepbrother were beaten to a pulp when he tried to save her. Then he was forced to watch as she was repeatedly gang-raped before being left for dead outside. Men and women participated. Your father was one of those “men,” and I use that term very loosely.
