Page 89 of The Devil's Deceit
Arron: Goddammit, Grace. You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?
Yes.
When I don’t answer immediately, he sends another.
Arron: HAVEN’T YOU?
Me: It doesn’t matter. I have to go. He’ll wonder where I am.
Arron: Grace, wait. Don’t do anything rn. Sleep on it. Message me in the morning.
I already know a few hours won’t make any difference, but it’s the least I owe him.
Me: Okay.
I turn off the phone and put it back in its hiding place. When I walk into the bedroom, Christian’s sitting up in bed. The concerned smile he gives me makes me want to bawl my eyes out. Not through stomach pain caused by my period, but from the pain ripping my heart to shreds.
“Feeling a bit better?” He pats the mattress, where he’s already turned down the covers. I round the bed and climb in beside him, the tears that threaten to fall prickling the backs of my eyes. If I do cry, he’ll think it’s my period, but I’m worried if I start, I won’t be able to stop and the promise I made Arron will scatter like ashes.
“A little.” I pull the covers up to my chin.
Christian scooches down the bed. “Will it hurt if I hold you?”
That does it. I can’t hold the tears back for another second. They pour down my cheeks in rivers. Christian’s eyes widen in horror.
“God, Grace, come here.” His arms encircle me, and he gently strokes my hair as I plunk my head on his chest. “What can I do?”
My breath hitches on a sob. “Nothing. It’s not that bad now, really.” Not the period, anyway. As for the rest of it… the premonition of what lay ahead of me has my anxiety spiraling out of control. With hindsight, this was a terrible plan, but in the midst of crushing grief and the violent thirst for revenge, it seemed like the only course of action available to me.
Christian continues stroking my hair, and with every tender touch, more tears fall, soaking his chest.
“Do you want me to call for the doctor?”
“God, no. I’ve dealt with this for ten years. I’ll be much better in the morning, promise.”
“Jesus.” He kisses the top of my head. “Women really are warriors.”
“Only another thirty or so years to go.” I laugh, because it’s true, and right now, laughter seems all I have left to stop my anxiety from escalating.
“Does it last long? The pain, I mean.”
“No. Some months it’s fine. This is a particularly bad one. I promise, by the time you wake up, I’ll be back to normal.”
His arms tighten around me, and I snuggle closer to him. This will be the last time he ever holds me, and I’m not going to waste a single second. Tomorrow, when I tell him who I really am and demand to know what the original HSE report said about Nexus’s collapse, he will look at me with hatred in his eyes and bitterness in his heart. I can’t bear to think about it, yet there is no way to avoid what’s coming.
The best outcome is if he tells me itwashis fault, that he did kill my parents, or at least his actions led to their deaths. At least then I’ll feel vindicated in what I’ve done, and maybe the hate I felt for him at the beginning will come flooding back.
I’m not even sure if feelings work like that, but I live in hope.
At some point, I must drift off to sleep. When Iwake, it’s barely light. I squint at the clock on my side of the bed. Seven-fifteen. The cramping in my stomach is much less, more a dull ache, and nothing I can’t handle. The ache in my heart caused by what I have to do today is worse. Much,muchworse.
I roll over in bed. Christian’s still asleep, his thick, dark eyelashes flickering as he dreams. I hope it’s a good dream because, for both of us, today will be the stuff of nightmares.
Before I tell him, I need to message Arron and let him know my decision. This affects him, too, but Christian’s ire won’t be for my brother. He’ll save it all for me, and why wouldn’t he? If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t blame any of his family. I’d put the blame squarely on his shoulders.
My insides are waging a war. On the one hand, I want him to admit his guilt, to tell me he was the one who stole my parents from me. On the other hand, I pray he had nothing to do with it, that he was entirely innocent. In many ways, that will make the guilt I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life easier to bear.
Somewhere along the way, I’ve fallen in love with the man I’m supposed to hate. Supposed todestroy.And destroy him I will, adding myself into the bargain.
