Page 120 of Behind the Shadows
“And then she came down and—” I stopped. My jaw locked.
“Kip.”
“She kissed me on the forehead,” I said. “Told me God had chosen me. That pain was how I’d prove I was His favorite. Then she made me kneel on rice until my knees bled. She stood there, humming hymns, saying every drop of blood was proof He loved me.”
I couldn’t meet Holland’s gaze.
“I did it,” I whispered. “I bled for a God I didn’t believe in. Because I thought maybe … if I did it right … I could be clean again.”
I waited for her to recoil. To pull away. To break. But her grip tightened.
“That wasn’t faith. That was abuse wrapped in holy lies. You weren’t worshipping. You were surviving.”
Her words cracked the last shard in me. Tears blurred everything, and I shut my eyes again.
“I’m not clean, Holland.”
“You’re not supposed to be,” she whispered. “You’re real. That’s why I love you. Here and now you’re free. Lily is dead. The Pied Piper is losing his control.”
“I didn’t hurt you. I didn’t hurt you,” I chanted, still living in the flashback. Blood on my hands, high, and curled up in the corner half naked.
“I’m right here, baby. Do you see us in this room together now? Can you see us?”
“No. But I hear you as if you’re somewhere in the distance. I want to find you.”
“Good. Listen to my voice. Do you still see me when we were younger? In the cage?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you want to do?”
Flash.
I stood and crawled to the girl in the cage. Shaking, weak, and so high I struggled to see, I pulled myself up. “It’s okay. Don’t be afraid.”
The corner of her mouth twitched, and she nodded as I searched around on the floor for a tool. Anything to pick the lock. Mother had no idea I’d practiced, swearing that one day I would break free and fucking kill her.
“There.” I squinted at the small hairpin with a butterfly on it.
“That’s mine,” she whispered. “My father gave it to me for my birthday.” She wrapped her small hands around the cage bars and watched, hopeful.
I knelt, picked up the hairpin, and busied myself with picking the lock. It popped open with a small click.
“Got it.” I removed the lock and swung the door open. “You don’t have much time, so listen carefully. There’s a tunnel that will take you under the house and outside. Wait until it’s dark to run.”
She stepped out of the cage and threw her arms around me. “We will make it out of here, right?”
I patted her back, my vision blurry from the drugs. “You go. You can’t get lost but stay to the right. You’ll see the grate. Wait until it’s dark, then kick it open and run for your fucking life.”
“Come with me. You can’t stay here. They’ll kill you for helping me.”
I grabbed the cage bar behind me, steadying myself as she let me go.
“I’m already dead.”
Tears blurred her eyes.
“But give me one thing to hold onto.”
