Page 36 of How We End
“Of course this is all my fault.”She threw up her hands.“You always love to play the victim in this, don’t you?If you had been a better husband, I wouldn’t have needed to find someone else.You put everything before me, Julian.I gave up everything for you and your career.All I asked in return was that you give me the time of day.But you couldn’t give me an hour.”
“I didn’t have an hour for myself.”I stepped away from her.
“Liar!”Emily yelled.“You had time for Anders and Mason.For Murry and the fucking reporters at the arena.How many hours did you give them?”
“It’s my job.”There weren’t enough hours in the day for me to be anything but Julian Silver, the hockey player.“I did the best I could.”
“No, you didn’t.But he did.Hemadetime for me,” she cried.“All I ever wanted was for you to notice me.I didn’t know what else to do.I screwed up.But I was desperate.”She smiled sadly.“My therapist says I rush into everything.I need to take a step back and think.And I have.All I’ve thought about is us.We both made mistakes.If you come to therapy with me, we can work on?—”
“No.You fucked another man.You told a room full of NHL players that I…” I swallowed down the words.That night played on repeat in my head.The words she screamed across that room.
“I was hurting.You knew I wanted a family.That’s all I ever wanted.”
“And you knew I couldn’t give that to you.I never hid that.”I ran a hand over my mouth.
“But you could?—”
“No!We’re not doing this.We are not going down that road again.”Seven months into our marriage, Emily wanted to try.We met with doctors and specialists.The next step was to try surgery, but the recovery time would cut in to summer training and the preseason.And there was no guarantee it would work.
“Why?You don’t want to hear the truth.That the perfect Julian Silver isn’t so fucking perfect.You don’t want the world to see what you truly are.You need help.Please, Julian, come with me.We can both get the help we need.We can put this all behind us.”She walked around the counter towards me.
“Don’t.”I held up my hand.I had put it behind me, and that was where I wanted it all to stay.“I can’t do this with you right now.I have a game.”
“Of fucking course you do,” she cried.“Why couldn’t you be what I needed?Why couldn’t you be there when I needed you?”
“Me?What about you?Everyone expects me to do better.You.My team.Everyone,” I shouted at her.“And when I can’t, then I’m nothing.I’m nothing to you.To them.To everyone.There aren’t enough hours for me to be all the things everyone wants.”
“Not everyone.Just me!”she yelled back.“You are so worried about what everyone else thinks, you forget about those closest to you.I gave up my life to follow you here.I sat home while you traipsed all over the country.I made sure you had a home to come home to.”
“A home?You think that’s what I needed?I needed someone on my side.And when I needed you, you weren’t there.You never were.”My last season in LA, I took a bad hit.For days, my shoulder hurt so much I couldn’t even dress myself.Getting out of bed felt impossible.Emily hated it—hated me—because I wasn’t Julian Silver the hockey player anymore.
“I didn’t know what to do.You were hurt and…” She crossed her arms over her chest.“I tried.”
“So did I.”There was nothing more to say.“I’ve got a game to get ready for.”I left her standing in the kitchen.
“Does she realize you’ll never choose her?That pretty little blonde you were photoed with on Halloween.Nice touch with your sweatshirt.Is this your payback?”She wiped the tears away.“Haven’t you hurt me enough?”
“She has nothing to do with you and me.We ended a long time ago.”
“Maybe I should tell her what you’re really like.What you’re like after you lose a game.Or when you get hurt.How you can’t button your pants or dress yourself.Or some nights you can’t get it up.Should I tell her that?”
“Leave.”
“I hate you!”Emily screamed.
“Get in line.”I turned and left her standing in the kitchen she promised would save our marriage.
Post-Game Report, Carolina vs Las Vegas, Final Score 4-2
City Center Arena, Las Vegas, NV
November 11
“And there you have it, the Las Vegas Coyotes lose to the Carolina Cougars, two to four.I’m Jon Lafayette along with Shawn Hofstadter here at City Center Arena.That was a tough loss for Vegas, Shawn.”
“Yeah, Jon, Vegas couldn’t hold their game together.They had a couple of really good opportunities to score.Mason Tremblay had a great breakaway but was not able to get the puck past Carolina’s goalie.”
“Then we saw a bit of a turnaround in the beginning of the third when Julian Silver scored within the first two minutes.Followed by a second by Tyler King five minutes later.The Coyotes were able to tie up the game, and we hoped we might take this into overtime.”
