Page 109 of How We End
“I can’t have children,” I shouted.The girl taking out the trash for the general store glared at me.
“Are you sure?”AJ asked.
“Yes.Would you like me to beat off in a cup for you so you can have that tested?Maybe you could make it into a social media post.Julian Silver is sterile thanks to a puck to the fucking balls when he was twenty.”
“Don’t tempt me.Listen, I know you are trying to move past what she did.But what could attending a couple of sessions hurt?You go in there, nod your head, say a few things, and it’s done.We can put this behind us.”
“Us?Your wife didn’t get pregnant by another man.Nor did she tell an entire room of NHL players that my game was as bad as my abilities to fuck her.She told that same room it was Hulton’s kid.”Hulton had been at the All-Star game.He found out he was going to be a daddy a week later from his teammates.
“I know.I know,” AJ said, exhaling into the phone.“But Jules, Toronto is showing serious interest.So are DC and Ottawa.These are all good teams, and if she goes public with this, it won’t help.I’ve promised them your personal issues are behind you.These teams will not want to deal with this drama.We can agree to three.”
“Again, who is this ‘we’?If you think it’s a good idea, you go.”AJ was a good agent.He fought for his clients.He got Anders more money; he got a three-year deal for me.But he forgot those contracts were attached to people.And people were not predictable.
“Is this about the girl you’re seeing?”
“No.It’s about me not wanting to be married to Emily.”
“So you can see the other girl?”
“Yes.I mean…” I leaned against the car.The dampness from the melting snow was seeping through the soles of my shoes.
“Listen, Jules, I understand you want to move on, and you seem happy since you started seeing this woman.But if she really cares about you, she’ll understand.This isn’t about her; it’s about you and your career.A career you can’t throw away.”
I hung my head, knowing that was true.These past two weeks, I had tried to believe that I was okay without playing.But I wasn’t.The first week, everything ached too much to think about putting on a pair of skates.By the second week, my body ached to put those skates on.I had to go for a run twice a day to burn off the excess energy.Some days I could feel myself slipping into a darkness.I needed this sport, and that scared the shit out of me.
“Jules?”
“I’m not going to do that to her.I can’t.”Wyatt had just quit her job because she didn’t want to hurt me.She already played second to this game.I would not ask her to play third to Emily.
“Did you ask her?”
“Did I ask her if she would be okay if I went to couples counseling with my soon-to-be ex-wife?No, I didn’t, but I’m pretty sure how that would go.”
“You never know.”
I pushed off the car and paced alongside of it.I was afraid Wyatt would do it.Then I would be no better than Maverick or any of the other fucking assholes in her life.Another man that demanded she give and he take.I’d be like my father.“No.And as my agent, do something to fucking stop this.She can’t make up shit.I’ll sue her.”
“Right, because that won’t make you look guilty or anything.Would you agree to meet with her?—”
“AJ,” I warned
“Okay, how about mediation?”
Wyatt was making her way up the alley.She was carrying two coffees and a brown paper bag.A guy was walking next to her carrying a couple of plastic shopping bags.He had his baseball hat on backwards.He was tall, young, and good-looking.And whatever he said made Wyatt laugh.She had my hat pulled down low and my jacket on.She looked stunning in the crisp air.Her cheeks were flushed, and she had a bright smile on that perfect fucking mouth.I wasn’t that special.There were better-looking men out there, ones with less demanding jobs and more time for her.Ones that made her laugh.Ones that could give her a good life.
Her smile changed when she saw me.It lit up her face.I needed to be that man.“No.She made her fucking bed.Now she and Hulton can lie in it.Tell her I’ll slap her with a lawsuit if she publishes anything, and no to Ottawa.”I hung up as Wyatt walked up.
“Coffee and three egg, sausage, and cheese biscuits.”She handed me a coffee and the bag.“And light bulbs, toilet bowl cleaner, and the part Jerry needs to fix the kitchen sink.”She nodded at the bags the guy was holding.“Oh, and this is Rook.”
“Julian Silver.”Rook wiped his hand on his pants before sticking it out for me to shake.Which I did.“Great fucking game, man.You got shafted on the suspension.Anyone with eyes saw what Jensen did.You should have laid that fucker out harder.”
“Rook.”Wyatt rolled her eyes.“Sorry.He works for Roman, and Roman figured out you are not Jesse.”
“Nice to meet you.Can I take those?”I nodded to the bags he was holding.
“Oh yeah.Here.God damn, this is the biggest thing to happen to this shit hole since the governor got a flat tire.”
“Thanks for helping me with the bags, but I’m sure Roman is ready to go.And Julian has better things to do than have you staring at him.”She grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the stairs.“Goodbye, Rook.”
