Page 17 of The Forgotten Life of Ella Moon
Ella set the bread down, taking a sip of tea.Thelast thing she wanted to discuss wasAlbertorWilliam.Ellatwisted the bracelet around her wrist. “Mr.Hansonneeds to mind his own—”Ellastopped, looking to her wrist. “It’sgone!”
Ailith frowned. “Child, what are you talking about?”
“One of my bracelets is missing.”Ellapulled back the sleeve of her tunic as if it had somehow slid up her arm.Shelooked at her other wrist.
“Are you sure?Itmust have fallen off.”Ailithpulled the blankets back.
“No, they cannot come off.”Ellajumped from the bed, tearing the blankets off and throwing the pillows on the floor.Sheran her hands over the bed, searching for the gold bangle.Theyand the black ball gown were the only things she had that proved she had been someone else.Ifsomeone came looking for her, they’d ask to see proof. “Ihave to find it.Ifthey come, they’ll ask to see them.Helpme!”
“Who?”Mrs.AwatchedEllafrantically search her room.
“Them.Myfamily.Myfriends.Peoplewho know me.They’llwant proof.”Tearsburned the back of her throat.Asmuch as she tried to tell herself to let go, she couldn’t.Shewanted to be found, to be remembered.Shewanted that golden room.
“Ella, stop this.”AilithgrabbedElla’sarms. “Listento me.”
Ella searched the floor around them, looking for a hint of gold.Shehad it yesterday, didn’t she?Shesearched her mind for memories of it while she washed dishes or pulled weeds from the berry patch.Theyhad become such a part of her, like an arm or finger, that she never noticed them.Untilone was missing.
“Ella.”Ailithshook her. “Enough.It’stime to let go.Whoevergave you those is never coming back.They’renot searching for you.It’stime to let go of this silly idea that your past will catch up with you.Youwill be twenty-eight in a few short weeks.Youare too old to believe in fairy tales.Youshould have children to tend to.Ahusband to worry about.”
Ella pulled away fromMrs.A. “Ahusband?Children?Idon’t want those things.Idon’t want this life.”Ellasnapped her mouth shut.Sheregretted saying those things when she saw the hurt inAilith’seyes.Butit was true.Shedidn’t yearn to be a mother likeSissy.Orsee it as her duty likeLillian.Tearsstarted to fall. “Ididn’t mean it.”
“Yes, you did.Andthat is why you still flutter around here with silly ideas of someone rescuing you.Thereis no one.It’stime to grow up and face the facts that this is your life now.Andthe sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll settle and be happy.”
“Happy?Wouldyou be happy if you woke up one morning and didn’t rememberLillianor your life?Ifyou couldn’t recall something as simple as your name?Wouldthat make you happy?”
Ailith huffed a breath. “HowwouldIknow those things existed ifIcouldn’t remember?Thelife you have in your head is not the life you lived.Whenwe found you, your lip had been crudely sewn up with stitching thread.Yourbody was bruised.Atnight you were afraid to fall asleep, sayingshewould get you.Whywould you want to go back to that?”Mrs.A’sfrustration came out in sharp tones.
Those pieces had faded in the time sinceEllahad been here.Backthen there had been no man in her dreams, just white and death.Asher body and mind healed, a regret started to grow in her.Shenever gave much thought to it because she couldn’t regret a decision she couldn’t remember.Butperhaps she had misread the feeling, and it wasn’t regret she felt but wistfulness for a life she never had. “I’llnever be certain untilIknow.”Ellastepped away. “Iknow you all thinkI’mfoolish.Buthow canIbuild a life when the foundation isn’t there?”
“By building a new foundation.Youhave friends and family here.Youhave people who love you and want what’s best for you.Whohave never abused you.Ishould have never letSissyfill your head with such notions.Youboth need to let go of these childish dreams of some great love.”Ailithpressed her lips into a thin line as she picked up the discarded pillows. “Weare not living in some fairy tale.Ifyou want to be rescued, you must do that yourself.”Mrs.Alooked around the room, at the clothes flung on the floor.Itwas the room of a silly girl, not a grown woman.Ellafelt a bit ashamed.
Mrs.Acontinued. “Ina few months,Iwill be gone, andIdon’t want to be worrying about you.Ahusband will protect and provide for you.Childrenwill bring you joy and fulfillment.”
Ella stepped away, shaking her head.Sheknew so little about herself.ButmarryingWilliamorAlbert, or anyone, for that matter, went against what she did know. “WhatdoIneed protection from?AndIwill not find joy in children.I’drather live under a bridge than be forced into motherhood.”
“Ella.Youdon’t mean that.”
“Yes,Ido,” she cried. “Iwas once loved very much.Ifeel that knowledge so deep, my bones ache with it.Andif you believe that is silly,Ishall pack my things and leave tomorrow.”
“I cannot stop you from leaving or making a terrible decision.”Mrs.Apaused. “Butbefore you go and live under a bridge, you need to take a hard look at what you’re saying.Youhave no formal education that we can tell.Yourskills as a maid are lacking.Nofamily will hire a maid who can’t mend a button on a shirt.Andwe are not a family of means, nor do we have a standing within the wealthier society for you to flitter around here, spouting off about love.Ifyou don’t want to marry, so be it.Butyou will have to work, my dearest, either as a wash maid in a brothel or in a sanatorium for the rest of your days.Thoseare the choices for a woman in your position.”
Ella flopped down on the bed.Everyonebelieved it so simple to just move on.Builda new life with no foundation.Williamdid.LillianandAilithdid.Ifthey all thought this life was so forgettable, then they weren’t doing it right.BecauseElla’sold life had deep roots and didn’t want to be forgotten.
Ailith smoothedElla’shair back. “Iknow this is hard for you.Butat some point, all women have to do things that make them unhappy.Andmarriage is the lesser of two evils.Nowget some rest.Wewill talk more when you are feeling better.”
Ella said nothing asAilithquietly closed the door.Theroom was a mess of blankets, pillows, and dirty clothes.Shewas meant for more than laundry and cleaning up others’ messes.Formarrying a man likeAlbert.Wasn’tshe?
“Ella?”Sissy’smuffled voice called through the door. “CanIcome in?”
“Yes.”Ellastood and started piling the blankets and pillows back on her bed.Rightnow her main concern was locating her bracelet, not a husband.
“I came to check on you.Andbring you these.”Sissystepped in, carrying a small bouquet of wildflowers. “Youhave a secret admirer.”
“Really?”Ellatook the bouquet and pressed it to her nose. “Iwonder who?”
The maid shrugged. “IfIhad to guess, it was probablyWilliam.Hewas here this morning.Hewanted to see you, butMrs.Asaid you were not well.Albertsent a messenger inquiring about your response to his request.Mr.Tenebrisalso asked to see you.ButagainMrs.Asaid no.Youare very popular amongst the men ofRiverton,”Sissyteased. “Areyou okay?Iheard you andMrs.Afighting.”
Ella put the flowers in the water pitcher. “I’mfine.”
