Page 58 of All Twisted Up
He turned my chin to make me look him straight in the eye. “Okay,” he said slowly as if letting the very idea of being loved settle somewhere deep inside. He rolled to face me, clearing his throat, looking almost embarrassed. “Thanks for letting me tell you about it, Joshua. Thanks for not judging me.” He gave a slightly embarrassed, small smile.
I stared at him before pulling him into my arms. This time when I kissed him, I put all the love I could into it. I lingered overhis lips for long minutes as he held me close, kissing me back. He finally pulled away when Marvin decided to make an abrupt appearance, jumping onto the foot of the bed, and stomping toward us, meowing like the little demon he was. He wormed his way between our chests and plopped his big ass down, purring loudly. We both laughed as the tender moment I’d been sharing with my lover was put on hold…for a little while at least.
NASH
After Marvin’s untimely interruption, Joshua got up and pulled on sleeping shorts, grabbing his brand-new U.S. Marshals Service-issued phone to call the kids. I lay in the bed petting my big feline, recounting everything that had happened since meeting Joshua. It was hard to wrap my head around how comfortable I was with him even though we’d known each other only a few days. I’d laid myself bare with him—something I never did—and he hadn’t flinched. In the past, when someone had asked me about the brand, I’d laughed it off, making up stories about how it had been a fraternity prank, or a military thing.
Once I’d learned to trust Candy as not only my boss, but a friend, I’d come clean with him about my history with my father. I’d told him everything.
I thought it was important that he knew about the bad blood between me and my father because of his company’s connection with the DOD. It was only fair that Candy knew guys like my father were tangled up with the military. When the boss told me he already knew a lot about me, I’d simply chalked it up to his thoroughness. As a Green Beret, he didn’t closely associate with anyone until he’d personally looked into their background,much less, put them on his team. It was just how the man was wired. Any wrong decision on his part could prove fatal.
When Joshua walked out of the room talking to Meggie on the phone, the space felt suddenly empty. I examined the feeling as I replayed everything he’d said. He thought of me as family? That seemed impossible. He thought I was deserving of love? That seemed unlikely.
Sometimes I didn’t feel like a good guy even though I had been at some point. It had taken years to erase the pain of what my father had done to me. Joining the Marine Corps and then being asked to join Candy’s team had finally made me feel proud of who I was again. I was the first to admit my fucking father had really done a number on me.
And now here was this beautiful man who wanted me, who said he would love me if I let him. He’d even pointed out that Meggie and Pete felt the same. In their case, I suspected there was a little bit of hero worship going on. In Joshua’s case…maybe, just maybe, there was more to it than that. He was a good person, which surprised me almost from the get go. “Look at everything he does for people…how much his boss and his family loves him,” I said to Marvin. The cat opened his eyes, glaring at me before immediately closing them and going back to sleep. I chuckled and pulled him close. His motor started up immediately.
I wondered if I reallycouldchange and commit to one person. Mickey had told me I was a good man when we got into long conversations about things. I just hadn’t believed him; every time I caught sight of the brand on my back, the old feelings of being inadequate and weak came rushing back to me. I was unlovable…wasn’t I? But the man on the phone in the other room didn’t think so. He’d as much as told me so.
Love was an abstract feeling in my mind. I’d sure as hell never had love on my mind as I went out to gay bars to find a hook up for the night. I was the guy who drank too much, partied with men I hardly knew, and fucked my way through one gay bar after another. Was I good enough for the kind, selfless man in the other room?
From what he’d told me, he’d had a rough go of things, fighting every day to keep his family together. The fear of losing custody of the kids had been blatantly obvious when he’d practically begged me not to call CPS to open a new case on him over the whole Billy thing.
I looked up when the bedroom door opened and he came in. He smiled as he wiggled the phone in his hand. “I talked to all of them. They’re settled in their new place and according to Pete, it has a yard for Garbanzo to poop in.”
I chuckled, scooting over and patting the bed like he’d done with me not that long ago. “Come here and tell me all about it.” The desire to hear about mundane family stuff felt almost normal. It was also very foreign to me.
He set the phone down and climbed in beside me as I let go of Marvin. My floof stood up, looked at Joshua, and jumped off the bed, darting through the open door.
“Was it something I said?” Joshua asked, grinning at me.
“Nope,” I said, pulling him to me. He snuggled against me and lifted his face, looking at my lips. I accepted his invitation and leaned down, kissing him slowly. My cock started growing hard just as my stomach let out a loud growl. He immediately broke the kiss and started laughing as I grinned at him.
“Poor, Nash. You must be starving.”
I wound my arms around him, keeping him close as he tried to wiggle free. “We’ll eat, but first, tell me about the kids. I assume they’re in a house since there’s a yard for pooping.”
He smiled. “You know, I don’t think I’ve had so many conversations about poop in years.”
I grinned back at him. “You underestimate what a brilliant conversationalist I truly am.”
He laughed again then sobered, leaning closer so that he could kiss me again. “Seriously, though, I need to feed you, Nash.”
I nodded. “That’s fine, you can tell me all about the kids while we cook.”
“Deal.”
I sat up and then grabbed his wrist, stopping him as he started to slide out of bed. He turned around and looked at me. “What?”
“I just wanted to say that I really like you, Joshua, and if you’re okay with it…” He frowned as I paused.
“What?”
I grabbed my pillow and hit him on the side of the head with it. He stared at me in shock as I started laughing. “I was just going to say if you’re okay with it…pillow fight!”
Joshua howled with laughter as he jumped off the bed, grabbing his own pillow and began smacking me with it. I kneeled up on the bed and defended myself, delivering precise blows like an attacking military force. When one of the pillows suddenly burst open, making feathers cascade through the air between us, Joshua dropped to his ass on the ground, laughing so hard tears ran down his face.
I’d never been so charmed by anything in my whole entire life.
