Page 35 of All Twisted Up
“He seemed like a nice man when I met him tonight. I think he’ll work with you.”
“He’s been like a father to me, but that doesn’t mean he can afford to leave a management position open for long. He will if he can, but—” I shook my head, feeling almost hopeless. “I just don’t know what he’ll say. And what the hell am I going to tell him? That some fucking Mexican drug cartel is after me and forcing me to leave everyone I love in the hands of the FBI and the Marshals Service?”
He frowned. “I know you called him from the BearCat after my captain talked to you. What did you tell him?”
I sighed. “I told him I’d need some time off and left it like that. He agreed that of course I could take time off…he didn’t even ask how long. But, if I confess that it could be months, he’s going to have a fit…in a nice way…but still a fit.” The familiar burning behind my eyes came back. “This is so fucked.” I looked down at my lap and fiddled with the Gatorade. A moment later, he reached out and cupped my cheek, lifting my face to look at him.
“We’re gonna fix this, Joshua. I promise. The situation won’t last forever.”
I searched his hazel eyes. There was something in them that I couldn’t identify. I trusted this man, and I knew he had a fierce, protective instinct for my family. You could read it all over his face, but there was more in his gaze. As I struggled to identify what it was, I almost opened my mouth to ask him what he wasn’t saying when he dropped his hand and looked away. He bent and swiped the water bottle off the table, taking a sip. I almost smiled as my gaydar started pinging.
So, that’s what this is. Nash is behaving like a guy who’d just seen someone he was attracted to—almost coy—like he didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing to make the exchange vanish. I’d been in enough situations like this to know what I was seeing. Was it possible that this big, tough man was afraid to expose himself to his teammates? No…that wasn’t it. From what I’d seen, all the men he worked with respected and loved him. They were his friends, people he relied on without question. So, what was it then? Why was he afraid to admit he was gay, because that was clear in his reaction to me.
When I thought about it, I realized what a contradiction Nash was. I’d seen his capabilities firsthand. Somehow, I just figured he was the same confident person off the job as well as when he was working, but this behavior didn’t add up. He wasacting like he was…nervous? At the moment, I couldn’t imagine why. I certainly hadn’t said or done anything to make him nervous around me. Was it possible that he was buried so deeply in the closet, he wasn’t out to the men he called brothers? Or maybe I was leaving this gorgeous warrior flustered? Either way, I read shyness in his expression.
I suddenly wanted to slap myself. Who was I kidding? Nash Hampstead was way out of my league. I knew what I looked like. I worked out, had a fit body, and decent genes which gave me nice eyes. But my sandy blond hair was nothing to write home about. I suppose it was clean, though, and I knew I smelled good.
At work and school, people told me they liked me because I was brave. Truth be told, I’d fought hard to keep our family together, but in reality, I was always looking over my shoulder. Sure, I took care of people which wasn’t a bad quality, but sometimes that got me into situations like the one with Billy this morning. I spent a lot of time caretaking, pushing down the need to act my age.
Of course, I’d dated here and there, but I’d never allowed myself to get into a long-term relationship with anyone. The fact was, I was afraid to have my personal life on display when it seemed like any day of the week, I could be facing a judge explaining how fit I was to parent three kids. My lawyers had told me to play down the fact that I was gay and out. They were worried it wouldn’t score points in family court with a judge, especially when I was fighting to keep my family together. I knew at twenty-seven, I should be out there, meeting people, having a ton of hot sex with guys. But I couldn’t risk it, not when Barbie, Meggie, and Pete were counting on me. So, I made myself into a homebody who loved and protected my family and left it at that.
And…here I was, sitting on the couch beside this big, buff, Special Forces guy, thinking about how remarkable he was, daydreaming about spending as much time as I could with him. Perhaps in all this, getting put on a cartel’s hit list would turn out to have a silver lining…but just maybe, I was an idiot.
Chapter Nine
NASH
I lay in the rolling bed with my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling, and thinking about how stupid it had been to touch Joshua. What the hell had that been? It had been a massive mistake to sit with a guy I was really attracted to, when I should’ve been at a bar picking up a guy to screw. If Mickey were here, he would agree. And now, I’d put myself in a situation where I’d be spending an extended amount of time in close quarters with a gorgeous protectee.
The simple fact was, I hadn’t only reached out to cup his cheek and make him look into my eyes, but I’d had to fight the urge to take his face inbothhands and bring our lips together. My immediate future was going to mean not only keeping Joshua safe but fighting the urge to put my handsallover him.
Shit!
I’d actually surprised myself when Candy had asked me if I would be willing to take charge of Joshua’s protection and be split from the team. My brothers were everything good in my life. I counted on being with them every single day. We not only worked together, but hell, we’d relocated all the way from Houston together. When we got to L.A., we didn’t know anyone in the new officebuteach other. We ate together, hung out at each other’s houses, and laughed together. None of us had significant others so being together in off hours wasn’t a hardship on spouses or boyfriends. Being separated from them for an extended period, even knowing they’d be a phone call away, was going to be hell.
When Candy had asked, though, I’d practically jumped at the chance to stay in Joshua’s orbit. The man simply did it for me. He was brave, kind, and nothing like I’d expected him to be after running into him at the cartel’s apartment. However, meeting his family and hearing what he’d gone through to protect them had really opened my eyes. Joshua Calder had overcome a load of crap, fought to keep Barbie, Meggie, and Pete together…out of the system, when it would have been so much easier just to let them go into foster care. I’d never met a man as devoted to his family.
My own family had turned their backs on me when they found out I was gay and I’d built up walls to protect myself, only letting them fall with the men I called brothers. I didn’tdorelationships with guys I hooked up with in bars. I picked up guys for one reason only, to get off and get them out of my apartment where I happily lived alone. Most of my encounters were done in gay bar restrooms anyway. I didn’t care about any of those guys. I couldn’t say the same thing about Joshua. In the span of twelve hours, he’d not only wormed his way into my life, but brought his entire brood with him.
Barbie was like the little sister I’d never had. Pete was as sweet as any little boy could be as evidenced by his innocent questions and the way he’d cared for Billy’s small puppy. Meggie was in a class all her own, though. I’d gotten tears in my eyes when she’d hugged me, trusting the safety of her family to me when men had come there to kill us all.
I’d been in a lot of firefights on RECON missions with the Corps, but nothing could have prepared me for the abject terror that had lanced through me as I stayed in the bedroom while praying their hiding place in the attic wouldn’t be found. I hadn’t prayed for my own safety but knowing a cartel hit squad had been sent with the single task of wiping out children, had almostbeen enough to drop me to my knees. In truth…it’d been the longest five minutes of my life.
While walking Garbanzo earlier, Candy texted with an update. Both police officers had been killed after managing to get a distress call out. Both men left behind widows and kids. I felt heartsick about it. The LAPD’s SWAT team had managed to kill two guys outside the house before Candy and my brothers arrived, and once they breached with my team at their side, they’d taken down another six men, all carrying automatic weapons. The house would need some clean up, but I felt immeasurably relieved that my team had done what they always did and protected the lives of Joshua’s family.
Long after his breathing evened out and I knew he was asleep, I pondered what the team would determine about Joshua continuing to work at Tango’s. I was 90 percent sure they’d agree with my assessment. One person wouldn’t be able to guarantee his safety. Perhaps he could continue work as a teacher in the evenings, but that would be part of Candy’s evaluation. I sighed and rolled over, trying to put it all out of my mind as I drifted off to sleep. In the morning, we’d get satisfactory answers. Right now, though, the idea of spending all that time with Joshua one on one, both worried and thrilled me.
“Nash?”
I blinked, realizing that sunlight was pouring into the room as a little person stood over me. Two small fingers held one of my eyelids open and I found myself staring up at Pete’s small face. I jerked away, making a sputtering sound as I sat up. When I heard a chuckle close by, I realized that everyone was awake. Meggie was sitting on the edge of Joshua’s pullout bed staring at me. She suddenly let out a belly laugh which was more suited to an adult woman than a six-year-old. “You should see your face, Nash. You were drooling!”
I smiled, reaching up and wiping it away as the smell of fresh coffee hit my nostrils. I braced myself with both hands and looked over my shoulder at the kitchenette, only to find Joshua and Barbie watching me with amused expressions.
“Coffee’s ready,” Barbie announced. “How do you take it?”
“Black,” I croaked out before clearing my throat. “Black.”
“Eww,”she remarked.
