Page 26 of Finally
“You stopped trying to have sex with your boyfriend?”
“Pretty much.” Jack stared at the floor and rubbed his foot back and forth across it. “Some self-help book or article I read said happiness is about letting go of what you thought your life was supposed to be and embracing where you are, and that’s what I did. Not that I had much of a choice anyway.” For the first time in the conversation, Jack looked directly into Gray’s eyes and held his gaze. “I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.”
Gray heard the unspoken question and had no problem answering it. “You’re sitting next to someone who wanted tobend you over his desk the first time he saw you, so let’s bury that worry right now.”
Jack started coughing. “The first time? What, like back in San Francisco?”
“Yes, in San Francisco.” He rubbed Jack’s back. “And pretty much every time after that. I have always been insanely attracted to you, Jack.”
“I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“That’s because I’m not an asshole, despite what opposing counsel, the firm associates who don’t want to put in hours, and most of our friends say. You had a boyfriend and then you were healing from a breakup, so I was patient.” Gray paused and winked. “Mostly. Look, Jack, I'm not going to pretend I understand why you stayed in a situation where the bar was so low the devil tripped over it, but I’m not him. I’ve always wanted you.”
“You’re the nicest and sexiest man I know.” Jack twisted his upper body until he faced Gray. “And I want you too.”
Slowly, Gray leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jack’s. “Tell me what you want to do.” He placed his hand above Jack’s knee and dragged it up his leg. “No wrong answers.”
***
There was no way for Jack to answer Gray’s question when all his brainpower was being utilized to spin and worry. “What if it’s not any good?” he asked, surprised when he realized he had spoken his concerns aloud. Then again, he was with Gray who had already seen him at his lowest and hadn’t ever judged him. He associated Gray with safety, so sharing his inner worries was a reflex.
“The sex?”
True to his character, Gray didn’t sound put off by his question, so Jack breathed a little easier and nodded.
Grinning, Gray said, “Practice makes perfect.”
Jack snorted. “Only you can make me laugh when I’m this anxious.”
“Laughing’s good.” Gray nibbled on his earlobe and rubbed his thumb up and down the top of his thigh. If he moved an inch to the right, he’d feel Jack’s erection. Nerves would normally have prevented him from being hard in that situation, but Gray was too gorgeous, sensual, and calming to resist. “Jack?”
“Uh huh.”
“I want you to let go. I know it’s terrifying. I know you were burned when you let yourself be vulnerable before. But I also know that you’re strong enough and brave enough to try again. And you need to do it. Not for me. I’ve been chasing you half my life, and I’ll be doing it for the rest of my life; you’re not going to scare me away. You need to do this for you. Because if you keep that emotional, sensual, passionate man inside you locked up for much longer, he’ll be lost forever, and you’ll walk through the rest of your life being a shadow of who you could have been. You already know you can trust me. Now trust yourself.” He leaned back and looked Jack in the eyes. “Tell me what you want to do. What do you fantasize about when you’re alone?”
He did trust Gray. And he agreed with every point he made, so he took a deep breath, rolled his neck from one side to the other, and forced himself to relax. Tension left his body, but he was no closer to answering what should have been a simple question.
“I honestly don't know,” Jack confessed. He wouldn’t have admitted that to anyone else, but Gray was his friend first and foremost. “I’m a hot mess, Gray. Are you sure you want to do this with me when I’m wringing every ounce of romance out of it?”
“I’m sure.” Gray’s hand was still on his upper thigh, just on the left side of propriety. “The right man will never make you feel like a burden, because he’ll know you’re worth the effort and he’ll enjoy making it. I’ve always known that you’re a catch,Jack.” Gray kissed his neck. “Let’s try a different approach. Is there anything youdon’twant to do?”
“No.” Jack shook his head. “I just want this to be good.” He rubbed his lips together. “I want you to feel good doing this with me. Whateverthisis doesn’t matter to me as long as you’re enjoying yourself while we do it.”
“Jack,” Gray sighed. “Jesus.” He dropped his face onto Jack’s shoulder and took deep breaths, his back moving up and down with each one. “I wish I could go back in time so I could tell you not to cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.”
“You’re probably right. That relationship was a Titanic-sized sinking ship and I spent years rearranging the deck chairs.”
“Even the Titanic broke up on its way down,” Gray mumbled.
Nodding in agreement, Jack said, “I should have ended it early on and then Jaime would have been free.”
Gray raised his head, his nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. “You’re not prison.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again, his expression calmer. “I’m glad you shared all of this with me, and we should probably delve a little deeper at some point, but for now, how about we stop talking about the past and focus on the present?”
“I’d like that.” Jack curled his palm around Gray’s nape and brushed his fingertips along his hairline.
“Good,” Gray said softly. He gently pressed his lips to Jack’s and then pulled back and his expression shifted from melancholy to mischievous. “To summarize our current situation, you invited me into your bedroom for a little afternoon delight, which is pretty scandalous, Mr. Storm, and you said I can pick what’s on the menu. Is that right?”
“I like the way you phrased that.” It made Jack sound bolder and less pathetic than he felt. “You have a silver tongue as usual.”
